


In search of Mayall's Object

by waterthemelon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst-y, College AU, Demisexual! Akaashi, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Old work, Pining, Slow Burn, Writer! Akaashi, bisexual! bokuto, but meh, rare words and color psychology, re uploaded, still my jam, very poetic if i must admit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterthemelon/pseuds/waterthemelon
Summary: "How will you paint this wall Keiji?""I'll paint it gold."A college au where Bokuto Koutarou wants to find love and Akaashi Keiji wants his SciFi work an online hit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> <<< re uploaded>>>
> 
> Here's something for all you fellow writers, how do you tackle writer's block? Do you visualize it as anything?  
> For Akaashi Keiji its a dull and white wall which he must paint. Colors and their psychology is key. Observation is essential.
> 
> And that is how he notices Bokuto Koutarou.

**Sonder ( _n.)_**

**_The realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own._ **

**_(THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROW)_ **

****

The cherry blossoms whirling in the wind at the start of the university year resembled snow. An Accounting and Finance major student like himself, Keiji found life to be as bland as the numerical balance sheets he could never balance and the financial statistics he could never get right. Yet here he was in Tokyo, studying for this degree which his parents had forced him into.

 _Forced_  would be too harsh a word for this. Rather it was the doubt of not being successful in his dream of being an author and the probable guilt of failure in a practical life that would eat him away slowly like termites on wood. With his books in his hands he treaded to the library. His cold fingers tapped the hard cover of his ‘Accounts: A guide’ book and his dark eyes darted here and there to take in his surroundings.

Pink, as the cherry blossoms bloomed at this time of the year. Pink, as the blush dusted on the passerby girl, who walked briskly past him muttering about how late she was. Pink, as the color associated with hope and the tidings of better days to come. Pink was what he needed, Keiji noted as he pushed open the library doors and sighed as the murmurs and hum of people echoed in the establishment.

He walked to the corner most tables he could find and sat on the chair to the side. His books were kept on the table, pouch taken out from his bag and a notebook flicked open as he began his studies.

Balance, invoices, certainty, prevention, fraud and such topics filled his brain till it felt as if all he learned would surely pour out if he did not close his books. So that he did and with an audible flap of books, he pushed them aside and flipped through his notebook and opened the pages at the end. He let his eyes close as he imagined a world unlike his, a timeline of an alternate universe with destruction and havoc. The main character, introverted and weak pushed through a hell of his past and working with a hardened heart, fighting against those who wronged him. The clash of swords and the sounds of lasers echoed in Keiji’s mind as he thought further.

Blank was the scene in his mind and blank was the page opened for further ideas. Keiji could not help but groan. Writer’s block was his obstacle and perhaps every other writer’s as well like a gigantic white wall.

_How will you paint it Keiji?_

“Pinks and blues and oranges…” Keiji muttered as the pen in his hand began writing the scenes he had already written, revised and published online. He knew that he just had to overcome this wall and he will too, but  _how_  was the question. One could not keep on wandering in the abyss with the start and the end. It was the journey which colored the whole story. Keiji looked around and decided to describe his surroundings. Description helped a lot. It would spontaneously give Keiji ideas and approaches.

He observed his partner sitting next to him, reading a book with his brow knit in worry. He may have a test, Keiji noted. A computer science major perhaps, given the formulae and codes scribbled on his notebook. Keiji turned his attention to the bookshelves where two girls whispered to each other and their faces broke into cheeky grins as a boy greeted them. A popular guy amongst the girls, Keiji assumed.

The librarian stamped some books, the sound of the stamp pressed and the book clamping shut and kept to the side felt like a rhythm which travelled far back to Keiji’s table. It was calming yet it held the mood of repetition. The two boys seated in the table in front of him snickered as one of them showed the other a picture on his mobile. Keiji rolled his eyes. They were probably a couple of perverts who did not respect the library’s place of studies.

He looked around to observe some more, his pen tapping lightly against his notebook when the library’s door opened and a loud group of entered. He noted the two men who were probably leading the group given their strong postures, backs straightened, huge lanky grins and loud voices. Not to mention the duo’s interesting hairstyles. One of them looked as if he had just rolled out of bed, decided to properly wear his clothes but not comb any of that messy hair. Or perhaps his hair was like that naturally, Keiji thought to himself. The other looked as if he had applied gel to his hair to make him resemble a horned owl, hair silver with black streaks as if to add the effect.

The other was a tall foreigner, his eyes wide and alert, his grin resembling the Cheshire cat’s in the Alice in Wonderland tale. He had to bend down to talk to an angry short boy who at first sight would not have been taken as a university student but his mature stance and the confident glare in his eyes made Keiji think otherwise. They seemed like an interesting group and Keiji found himself hoping that they would come near so he could observe them better.

It was then when he heard a hushed yet clear voice belonging to the horned owl man who had paraded to the table besides Keiji’s, bag kept on the table with an audible sound and had leaned on the chair and grinned at the girl seated opposite.

“Hey, hey, hey!” He greeted and Keiji noticed his eyes.

Gold. A color which Keiji had not yet thought of.

“Do you have money for the phone line? Cause I told my bro Kuroo I’d call him when I fell in love.”

Keiji tried not to cringe. That was a terrible pick up line.

“Isn’t he already with you?” The girl questioned with a sneer. “You could do better Bokuto.”

With that she got up and picked up her books and left the table. Keiji noticed the small frown on the horned owl man’s face before it was quickly replaced with a playful grin.

“Kuroo my man, I fucked up because of your existence.”

The man with the outrageous bed head laughed loudly as he slapped the other’s back.

“You fucked up. What was that?  _Flirting?_ Man, you suck bro.”

“Shut up. Do you want to learn these graphs or not?”

Keiji breathed out with a hint of annoyance as he quietly put his things back into his bag. He took his books and walked to the library doors, away from the noisy duo who was now being scolded by the librarian when he slipped out.

Bokuto, probably a year older than Keiji. Male. Terrible in flirting.

He seemed like the one to cause trouble. But Keiji grinned as his steps turned to small skips and he thought of the wall which was his writer’s block.

_I’ll paint it gold._

 

* * *

**Lodestone ( _n)_**

**_2\. Something that strongly attracts._ **

**_(MERRIAM WEBSTER)_ **

“Bokuto Koutarou? He’s a second year in the Economics course. He and Tetsurou were in the same volleyball team in high school.” Keiji’s roommate Kenma said without looking up from his game.

“The one with that outrageous bed head is your boyfriend?” Keiji asked in surprise. He had just mused out loud about the group which had entered the library yesterday and Kenma had recognized them.

“Yeah. He doesn’t come in our room because he knows about your tough course. He doesn’t like to disturb people despite what his appearance might suggest.” Kenma replied with a slight shrug.

“Oh.” Keiji was caught off guard. Perhaps he had taken in just the playfulness of the group at first glance. Their carefree attitude was a little misleading. He would have never imagined that Kenma’s respectful boyfriend who asked about Keiji from the very first day he and Kenma became roommates, the one who would call and tell Kenma to take care of himself would be the very ‘Kuroo’ who laughed so loudly.

“Yaku is a complete mom by the way, and Lev… he’s annoying.” Kenma added while licking his lips. Keiji’s roommate didn’t talk much and when he did it was always worth the listen. “Bokuto… well he’s just  _him_ I suppose… damn it.” He squinted at his game which played the ‘Game over’ music in a mocking tune.

Keiji remembered the first day he moved into the dorm and met Kenma. The shorter boy’s hair was a strange sight at first. His dye was faded from his roots which gave him an odd look as he eyed Keiji before flopping on the bed.

“Too much effort.” was Kenma’s reply when Keiji asked about his hair.

The subject was never brought up again.

To Keiji, Kenma’s presence reminded him of the color turquoise. His presence was calming like the coolness felt at a freshwater lake. Keiji found himself most comfortable around him; the fear of any sort of rejection was never displayed by Kenma. His eyes however would remind Keiji of a cat’s, bright and focused. At first encounter, Kenma’s presence did intimidate Keiji. He went back to the first days with them being new roommates. He remembered how he had found himself asking:

_How shall I paint this situation?_

The question was answered by silence. And by silence they both warmed up to each other and movements were coordinated according to each other unconsciously. A harmony, Keiji noted, like what the beautiful turquoise represented.     

Keiji smiled tiredly at his friend and got up to make his way to the kitchen.  

“I’m making cold coffee, do you want some?”

The “hmm” from Kenma was taken as a yes and Keiji took out the blender and the instant coffee sachets. He found himself soon thinking about his story so far. The color gold! He wanted to scold himself for not thinking of it before.

 _“Wealth, grandeur, passion”_ , Keiji thought in his head what it signified when he had searched about the color as he poured milk and emptied the coffee, “ _Courage, wisdom and magic…”_ The blender’s noise filled their dorm as Keiji delved in deeper in his imagination, Bokuto Koutarou’s face flashing from time to time. The white wall was now painted in gold, a character emerging from it and Keiji had to stop himself from exclaiming ‘Eureka!’

He poured the coffee in two glasses and walked to the couch with them where Kenma sat cross legged now, working on his laptop.

“Thank you.” Kenma said as he took a glass from Keiji. His cat like eyes studied Keiji for a while before they flicked back to the screen. “You thought of what to write further?”

Keiji nodded and he took a sip from his glass. “A new companion this time. Alien, a bird type, humanoid yet unearthly. Brave, loud and funny, brash yet passionate…” He bit his lip, “And perhaps a little mysterious even?”

“Interesting.” Kenma commented without looking away from his work.

“Thank you.” Keiji said as he finished the last of his cold coffee. “I’ll have to research a bit further though.”

“Good luck, its hard writing Sci-Fi.”

“Yeah.”

 

After completing his studies, Keiji laid in bed trying to welcome sleep. Instead ideas poured into his mind of how the scene would continue further. The new character quite literally barges into the main character’s life and makes a place for himself in the primary mission. He is loud, as Keiji had thought of before… and then what?

The painting was incomplete and he didn’t know how to make the next stroke. Time ticked by and the new character was placing himself in the story line, yet being a blur at the same time. Was the new character supposed to be tall and thin… or built and buff… or what? How would he turn the tables for the main character? Will he be good or evil?

Keiji groaned as he tossed and turned. His hand reached out to his phone and when he checked it for the time he sighed. It was about to be five in the morning and Keiji had a sleepless night. Perhaps the coffee was a bad idea? He got out of his bed to glance at Kenma who was fast asleep, a strand of hair in front of his opened lips moved along with the sleeping boy’s breath. It was probably not the coffee but his imagination and frustration rather, that had kept Keiji up all night.

Instead of going back in bed and waiting for eight to strike, Keiji decided to go for a jog. He stretched his arms and stifled the tired yawn escaping his lips. It was no use to sleep now. He washed his face and took out a change of clothes; a T shirt and track pants and headed for the dorm’s showers.

A few minutes later he returned to his room, fresh and alert. He took out his jacket and wore it along with his jogging shoes and then covered Kenma better with the blanket that had been tangled in between the sleeping boy’s legs, leaving him exposed to the cold. He quietly locked the door behind him and made his way down the stairs.   

He felt the cool morning air greet him as a numbing force while he jogged. He began to make a to-do list for the day mentally. He had to attend classes as usual, talk to his professor about the upcoming project in his finance class and study for his calculus test later in the week. Not to mention the days had gone by in a flash and Keiji had to update his story online otherwise the readers would lose interest.

He yawned and made another note; coffee before class.

He then switched to brainstorm about his story again. He had thought of the color gold. However he was stuck yet again. The character lingered like a small light blinking in a foggy and abandoned train station. It was a brilliant idea yet it was at its infancy stage. A character that is easily noticeable, who bickers about and maybe tries to be funny…

Keiji was cut off in his thoughts when he heard a few voices coming from ahead. He slowed down in his jogging as he recognized the four people from before along with a couple more. All wore matching jackets and track pants in the university’s colors and were laughing and talking quite loudly.

One voice was louder than the rest and Keiji had recognized it. It belonged to Bokuto Koutarou, who was grinning as Yaku shook his head in exasperation. Keiji jogged behind them, but not close enough that the group would actually notice him. He never thought he would find himself in the same place as Koutarou. He could turn and change his jogging route, it was that simple really, yet he found himself following them.

The group rambled on in their conversation and then Koutarou decided to change his jogging position to that closer to a grey haired boy who was laughing.

“Hey Suga!” Koutarou spoke.

The grey haired boy looked at him smiling. Keiji noted that the said ‘Suga’ had an attractive face.

“Yeah Bokuto san?”

“Are you tired?”

“Um… a little? Why?”

“Cause you’ve been running on my mind this whole time!” Koutarou replied with a grin.

The whole group barked with laughter and Keiji felt as if he had swallowed a glass full of sour lemon juice. That pick up line… was very lame in every single way. He may have had the opportunity…  _but really?_

The grey haired man giggled and patted Koutarou on the back. “Bokuto san, you’ve done your best here I suppose… but really I’m taken.”

At this the group stopped and Keiji found himself jogging still. He should turn away and not cause anyone to look his way, but then again why would they bother? He just happened to be jogging by.

“Oho? Who’s the lucky person Suga?” Kuroo asked eying the man with the short cropped brown hair who seemed to have his ears red.

“Oh it’s him…” Keiji muttered as his jogs were switched to a fast walk as he made his way ahead of the group from the side.

Keiji heard a loud voice from behind him.

“So Bokuto san? When will you use your owl pick up lines?”

“Lev my boy, those are for ‘the one’. I knew Mr. Refreshing Suga would be taken… I just needed to see if I had a chance really.” Koutarou replied.

“You’re too late. Ah please don’t look so down though!” Keiji heard Suga say between laughs and he found himself smiling.

Bokuto Koutarou. Male. A year older than Keiji. Economics major. Probably aiming for the sports world. Bisexual probably. Terrible at flirting. Frequent minor mood changes.

He resumed his jogging stance and the wall began to paint before him.

_Humanoid with traces of feathers on his arms and lower legs only. Head is covered with feathers and gold accessories. Built and has good reflexes. Feathers are black with a hint of silver and grey. Tanned and has talons for nails. Has a mysterious background. Unstable with his terrible mood swings. Very playful and tends to say terrible pick up lines. But he is loyal to his comrades and the main character._

All Keiji had to do now was to come up with a name.

 

* * *

 

**Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon _(n.)_**

**_When you find out about something and it starts to suddenly come up everywhere in your life._ **

**_(COINED IN 1994 BY A COMMENTOR ON ST. PAUL PIONEER PRESS)_ **

****

Bokuto Koutarou began to appear everywhere Keiji looked. Be it in the hallways or the cafeteria or even when exchanging rooms, Keiji began to notice the loud individual in general. He did not mind it though. Rather, he was actually quite pleased with the owlish man popping up everywhere.

He had recently made the new character appear who was greeted with a renewed enthusiasm from his readers. His funny personality and interesting appearance was what the readers praised and Keiji had to admit, he could not have achieved this much had not Koutarou appeared in his life.

Not to mention the terrible pick up lines. Bokuto Koutarou, Keiji noticed, was an eager person, ready to ask just anyone out with a pick up line. Keiji had tried searching pick up lines online, but he got worse than those which escaped Koutarou’s lips. His pick up lines had a hint of playfulness, but they were never dirty unlike the ones Keiji found.

Hence began the unintended yet now fully intended observation of Bokuto Koutarou. Keiji needed the pick up lines. He had creatively made the last two he heard adaptable to his Sci-Fi and now he needed even more to keep the mood of the character afloat. A character of comedy relief, yet, at times one who doubts themselves which was a rather dark character trait.

He would subconsciously be listening to the conversations of the group from time to time, whether it was during their morning runs or when Keiji would be getting his lunch. Bokuto Koutarou appeared  _everywhere._

It was just the other day when Keiji had decided to get himself a proper coffee from the university café when he noticed Koutarou once more. Keiji stiffened a little as he realized he was standing right behind the person he had just started stalking.

 _Stalking_  was too overboard. Observing was more like it. Never the less, it made Keiji nervous. The thought of Koutarou turning around and perhaps recognizing him was a little terrifying. Keiji was not very good with coming up with excuses. Give him something like an object and tell him to write a story related to it he would do so in five minutes. But catch him doing something off guard like writing or in this case observing someone for a character and he would be blank.

“Here’s your coffee, sir.” The girl on the counter said as she handed the coffee.

“Oh, it’s hot!” Koutarou exclaimed and then with a chuckle he added, “But not as hot as you.”

Keiji had tried not to groan as the girl laughed nervously and waved the other off.

“I’m on my shift.”

“Of course. Keep it up.” Koutarou lifted his coffee up a little and walked away.

Keiji saw the Koutarou saunter off to the table where the short guy, Yaku if he remembered correctly, was seated. The shorter of them had a face palm while Koutarou grinned as if he had accomplished something great. Keiji found himself shaking his head before he turned to the still blushing girl.

“I’d like a cappuccino with extra froth?”

“Right away sir.”

 

Nowadays, Keiji observed the color brown. The shade was more like that of chestnuts and as he noticed the color more, he realized how relaxed his life was currently. He was able to write most of the times, his results were above average and he felt a sense of being content with his life. Perhaps stability was the key here and that was why he noticed brown more. Be it the hair of someone’s blowing by the wind or the wooden benches in the campus. Or the tree bark against which he would rest after his morning jog or the brown tiles in the library which gave off a rustic vibe.

He noticed his story was going along smoothly; reviews were increasing along with positive feedback. People liked it, he saw his work getting recommended on social media and Keiji couldn’t help but feel extremely pleased with his life so far. Writer’s block had vanished completely and his path had no walls ahead so far. If only it could go on forever like this.

But of course; it didn’t.

 

After a few days, Kuroo stopped by Keiji’s and Kenma’s dorm. The tall man grinned at Keiji who was seated on his bed while the latter sat on Kenma’s. Keiji was not the least bit threatened by Kuroo’s presence. He had grasped an idea of how the man with the outrageous bed head was exactly.

Loud, witty, teasing yet kind and concerned. That was what Keiji was able to deduce so far about him. He was cut off in his thoughts by the one in question.

“I knew you were familiar!” Kuroo exclaimed as he slapped his hand on his own thigh. “You’re the one who jogs alone behind us in the mornings! Nice to meet you Akaashi kun.”

Keiji felt his throat go dry. They had known all long that Keiji had been jogging behind them for weeks. He tried not to stutter as he replied quietly, “It’s nice to meet you too Kuroo san… Thank you for being so considerate though you really didn’t have to with coming here.”

“Ah, no problem, my friend Sawamura has the same program as you. He works himself a lot so I thought hey! Maybe I shouldn’t crash much at your dorm.”

Keiji shook his head, “Come over whenever. I really don’t mind.”

They were interrupted by Kenma who entered the dorm room with a small scowl. “Tetsurou, they ran out of your favorite drink, so will coke work?”

Kuroo smiled and walked over to Kenma to kiss him on the forehead. “It works fine. I didn’t know you were out to buy drinks.” He then turned to Keiji and offered something which caught Keiji off guard.

“Why don’t you jog with the volleyball team from tomorrow? We don’t really mind you know.”

A chance to know Koutarou and his group of friends was something Keiji couldn’t miss. He could then observe them more and it would help a lot in his writing. Also, making new friends didn’t seem like such a bad idea. He didn’t talk to many people besides those in his classes and Kenma. It would be a nice change.

Keiji felt his lips twitch upwards as he walked over to take his iced tea from Kenma. “If its fine… then I shall join.”

The only thing he hoped was that Koutarou did not notice Keiji watching from time to time.

“Awesome, you’ll love everyone.”

 

That night Keiji wrote the next chapter. It was a rather depressing one about the main character and his friends losing a fight. He needed Koutarou’s character to brighten up the mood. He decided to let it go for now and saved his work. The wall had returned, all bare and dull. He’ll overcome it, he told himself. He just needed another of Koutarou’s pick up lines. He stretched his arms and then turned off his laptop.

He found himself lucky as he would join the volleyball team in their morning run. New people and the high chance of knowing more about Koutarou made him want the night to be over already. This was all for his story of course and nothing more.

 

Slumber had made its crafty move on Keiji and he soon found himself collapse on his bed. Droopy eyes checked the alarm set once more and then they crashed shut.

In his dreams he saw his character in a rather sad position, his back was bent and his gold eyes had no spark. He saw the wall loom above him in an intimidating manner. Darkness followed soon and Keiji found himself gasping for air as his alarm rang in his ears.

It took him a while to register his surroundings. It was about to be dawn, judging from a little light peeking in through the curtains. He let out a yawn and he rubbed his eyes. The dream was recalled and it worried him a little but he set it aside to get ready.

Today was a big day. The feeling of being judged would cause a lump in his throat from time to time. As he washed his hair, the dreaded scenarios played in his mind. What if Koutarou had noticed him looking? They had been in the same places more than Keiji could count.

He smacked his hands against his cheeks to get a hold of himself. It’ll be fine, if he asks, Keiji would just tell him that he looked interesting. He’ll get out of an embarrassing situation while Koutarou also gets sort of complimented. He walked out of the shower area after drying himself and tossed the towel in the used basket before wearing his clothes. The shower was running in another stall. Someone else was awake this early as well. Keiji wore his boxers and track pants and then plugged in his hair dryer.

He tried to dry his hair as quickly as possible. While trying to reach the back to his wet curls, someone tapped him on his back. The touch of skin on his own startled poor Keiji and for a minute he thought he saw red all around him. He turned around cautiously and breathed in sharply when he recognized the person behind him.

“Yo!” Bokuto Koutarou greeted, his hair wet and covering his forehead mostly. He looked less of an owl and more of a suspicious delinquent right now. However the sheepish grin on his face countered the impression. “Look, my hairdryer broke and I have to go on a run today so it’s okay if I borrow yours? After you’re done that is… I mean sharing is caring and all that!”

Keiji’s eyes darted to his hair dryer and then to Koutarou. Koutarou had not recognized him. Keiji felt relieved to know about that, yet he felt he felt a pang of disappointment as well. “Sure.” He replied quietly.

The other man’s face lit up with joy and a little relief, Keiji noted the subtle emotion in Koutarou’s face. He was drying arms and Keiji tried not to swallow. Koutarou was very well built, like his own character.

“Hey hey hey! Your hair is still wet from behind, give me your hairdryer and I’ll do it for you!” Koutarou offered, “By the way my name is Bokuto Koutarou.” Keiji found himself looking at those gleaming golden eyes again.

“There’s no need to inconvenience you Bokuto san, I’ll get done with my hair shortly.” He assured as he turned his hairdryer back on.

The hairdryer was taken from his hand and Keiji looked at Koutarou surprised. The other grinned and kept his left hand on the other’s shoulder while he hummed.

“It’s no inconvenience really, rather it’s quicker!”

Keiji sighed as he tried to ignore the other’s warm fingers against his bare skin. He felt his neck grow hot by the second and he could only pray that it was because of the hairdryer. Koutarou didn’t talk which surprised Keiji, him knowing that the other had quite a talkative nature. He let it slide and offered to do Koutarou’s hair after his were done. They both remained silent during the time period.

Keiji wondered about Koutarou even more. There was so much to know about him.

Bokuto Koutarou. A year older than Keiji. Male. Bisexual. Volleyball player. Economics major. Terrible at flirting. Frequent minor mood changes. Mostly loud but some times unnaturally quiet.

He hummed a bit as the other directed him to the wet hair. 

 

* * *

 

**Adronitis ( _n.)_**

**_Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone._ **

**_(THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROWS)_ **

****

“Hey hey hey Akaashi!” Koutarou jogged besides Keiji, “You jog every day?”

Keiji tried to look forward instead of looking into the other’s eyes.

“Yes.” He replied quietly.

“Cool! Y’know the volleyball team also takes this path, why don’t you join…oh Kuroo!” Koutarou smiled widely as he waved his arms animatedly to the taller of them.

“Yo, you took your time.” Kuroo commented, punching Koutarou playfully on his side. His eyes found Keiji and he grinned. “Hey Akaashi kun. You’re joining us today right?”

“Wait you two know each other?” Koutarou asked glancing from Kuroo to Keiji.

Keiji shrugged as he tried to keep a neutral expression. “I’m his boyfriend’s roommate. He noticed I took this path so he invited me.”

“Damn it Kuroo, I wanted to ask him out… I mean ask him to join us. Why you do this to me bro?” Koutarou whined.

Kuroo shook his head with a cheeky smile. “Oho? Bo what is this?”

“Shut up Kuroo.” Koutarou reached up to mess his friend’s already wild hair.

“What’s up?” a high voice interrupted them and Keiji turned around to look up at their tall friend. He still reminded Keiji of the Cheshire cat, eyes full of mischievousness and the rather intimidating aura encircled him as he towered over Keiji. “New guy?”

“Leave him alone Lev.” The short guy appeared from behind the tall man. He smiled at Keiji and offered his hand. “Nice to meet you, call me Yaku.”

Keiji took his hand and shook it. “Akaashi Keiji.”

“So you’re the one who stalks us from behind every morning!” Lev pointed at Keiji.

Alarm bells rung inside Keiji’s mind as he tried to come up with a response. He wanted to say no it was rather he was observing them, but that too sounded weird. He really hoped his face wasn’t giving any hint of embarrassment. The last thing he wanted was to actually look guilty.

Kuroo’s hand slapped his back lightly and he chuckled. “Give the poor guy a break Lev. He’s probably shy. Or he finds you obnoxious.”

“Hey!”

“Oh shut up you are obnoxious.” Yaku scolded Lev.

Lev huffed a little before breaking into yet another big grin. Keiji was relieved. At least he was surrounded by positive people and that was a plus. That and the fact that they did not mind Keiji being part of their group made him relax a little. Besides being accused of stalking.

“Hey hey hey! Let’s go on our run already! Where’s Sawamura and Suga?” Koutarou said in a rather loud voice.

“They’ll come soon; we don’t have to wait for them.” Yaku replied.

“Oho?” Kuroo, Lev and Koutarou broke into cheeky smiles.

“Grow up you idiots!”

 

If Keiji noticed any color, he noticed the gold in Koutarou’s eyes as their gazes met from time to time. Koutarou was loud and he seemed to not have grasped the concept of personal space. During the whole jog with the volleyball team, Keiji was thrown questions. Most of them were from Koutarou.

“So what do you do in your free time?”

“I write Bokuto san.”

“Cool… hey what’s your favorite color?”

“I never thought of it.”

“Really? That sounds mysterious.”

“Bo, what’s mysterious about that? Are you trying to get laid?” Kuroo sneered.

“Fuck you man I was making small talk with Akaashi.” Koutarou scowled at his friend.

“Don’t mind them.” Daichi shook his head. “Akaashi kun, if you need help with any class you can ask me.”

“Since you’re both in such a difficult course.” Koushi added with a grin.

Keiji decided to ask the team a bit as well. “Do you have more members?”

“Yeah we do, Oikawa and Iwaizumi are third years so their schedule is different.” Koutarou replied. “Our first years join us in practice. You can say our second year batch is full of enthusiastic volleyball fans.”

“And we’re the best.” Lev added.

“You’re a first year Lev.” Yaku said with a groan.

“Same thing.”

Keiji couldn’t help but smile. It was refreshing to be with this group. Loud, yes, but at the same time wonderful.

“Hey hey hey Akaashi!”

“Yes Bokuto san?”

“You look amazing when you smile.”

Keiji did a double take when he heard the words escape Koutarou’s lips. The other grinned as he jogged ahead and for a moment Keiji found himself lost. Koutarou knew how to throw someone off in a good way and Keiji found his neck getting warmer. He took a deep breath and looked ahead, ignoring the knowing smiles of the others.

 

Days had passed and Keiji jogged with the volleyball team. He had gotten to know them a lot better. Soon he found himself hanging around with them. He would greet Daichi in the hall or meet Koushi and Yaku at the library in the evenings. Lev would ask him if he’s seen a cat in the university grounds. Kuroo would drop by more often and his company was more intellectual alongside Kenma than with his other friends. It was a great change.

However there was one problem. Koutarou was lively as ever but he stopped with his pick up lines. Keiji waited for days, he would look at the latter’s way. Anything flirty, just  _anything_ would be fine. When two weeks passed with absolutely no sign of Koutarou being a flirt, Keiji turned to the search engine and found himself cringing through the results till he found the pickup line he was fairly satisfied with. He was not exactly happy with it. Even though Keiji had fashioned it according to his story, it still didn’t feel right.

It was like as if he had to make do with a marker instead of paint on his wall. It was there but foreign. A thought came to his mind.

_Perhaps because Koutarou did not say it?_

He brushed it off. He had started his story without knowing of Koutarou’s existence and he could finish it without him as well. But the thoughts piled on like snow against the door which was difficult to push away.

The new character was based off Koutarou, so of course he needed the lines and the same characteristics as him. However, it was only a character and Keiji had the power to change his own character with his imagination. Besides, Koutarou was full of surprises. At one point he would be as quiet as a hawk waiting for its prey to come out and yet at another occasion he would be as noticeable like a beam from a light house. He would highlight his presence with his voice and shenanigans. Then at times he would be in a dangerous mood like the one Keiji saw his own character in his dreams.

 

He would skip the morning jogs when he would be in those moods.

“He’ll get over it, takes a few days but we’ve decided to leave him at that.” Kuroo told him when questioned about Koutarou skipping on the fourth day.

“He just needs a break I guess.” Lev added, his normal Cheshire smile replaced with his lips pressed into a thin line.

“Well, at least he shows up in practice.” Koushi said with a small smile.

“His performance drops significantly though.” Daichi pointed out.

“Do you know the reason why?” Keiji asked the group. Some of them shook their heads and Kuroo patted his back.

“He gets these feelings of being worthless and all. It’s terrible and sometimes it’s so bad I feel he needs help. But he pulls out of it. Don’t worry. That’s the only worrisome side of Bo.”

“Oh, okay…” Keiji trailed off.

 

Bokuto Koutarou. A year older than Keiji. Male. Bisexual. Economics major. Volleyball player. Terrible flirt. Has more serious mood swings than what Keiji expected.

That night Keiji found himself writing a tragic back story on the character based on Koutarou. His pen tapped against his notebook, arrows linking relations to each character to frame the side chapter. He yawned and glanced at Kenma who was playing on the Xbox. He wondered if Koutarou was over his terrible mood swing. He remembered the color gold. Mysteriousness is what it also represented. He leaned back on his chair and rubbed his temples. It was sort of frustrating not knowing everything about Koutarou.

What kind of person was he exactly? Keiji knew people were complex and full of hidden secrets. But Koutarou seemed like a storm. Grey is what Keiji thought of when mood swings came to his mind. Koutarou in his bad days was like a thunderstorm, grey and brooding. However like the storm, his mood was temporary and then the sun would shine.

As he wrote notes and excerpts about his character he began to wonder. Why was Koutarou like this? His character had a past which Keiji had fabricated. But Koutarou was real and so near. Keiji shuddered as a terrible thought came to his mind.

_Some childhood trauma masked with a carefree nature… or a happy individual living his life trying to forget his ordeals in the past… but failing at times._

He waved the thought away. Koutarou would be fine. He was still technically a stranger to Keiji and nothing more. It was best to wait and see.

 

The next day Koutarou bumped into him in the dorm showers. He was smiling widely as he offered to dry Keiji’s hair once more and through the shower stalls he talked cheerfully. The sound of water running echoed in the dorm showers and Koutarou’s voice easily cut through it.

Keiji rinsed his hair and sighed in relief as he heard the other make animated sounds as he described how he spiked the ball in that one practice match against that one other elite volleyball team.

“Their faces Akaashi, priceless I say, priceless!” The man echoed from his shower stall.

“That’s amazing Bokuto san.” 

“I know right?!”

 

* * *

 

**Carpe diem ( _n.)_**

**_Seize the day; enjoy the present, as opposed to placing all hope in the future._ **

**_(LATIN)_ **

“So, who’s going to Tanaka’s party tonight?” Lev asked, the Cheshire smile returned once more.

“I can’t believe he actually got the keys to that luxury pent house near the university.” Daichi said with his brows furrowed.

Koushi laughed as he swung his hand around Daichi’s neck playfully. “His sister lives in that  _luxury pent house_ Daichi. She had to go on a business trip and Tanaka happened to get permission for throwing a party.”

“It’ll be nice to loosen up a bit.” Kuroo said as he mock punched Koutarou’s shoulder.

“Like you need to loosen up.” Yaku narrowed his eyes on the man.

“Well excuse me; I get to meet Kenma so of course I have every right to have fun tonight.”

“Hey Akaashi are you in?” Lev asked, turning around to face Keiji who was jogging at the back.

“I didn’t know about any party…”

“What!” Koutarou exclaimed. “You don’t know about Tanaka’s party? Man Akaashi get your head out of the books sometimes! You absolutely  _have_ to come.” He had somehow inched closer to Keiji and Keiji found himself slowing down more.

“I don’t know…” Keiji trailed off. He had never been invited to parties. Correction, he did not go to the parties he was invited in. School work seemed more important and the idea of getting drunk never really appealed to him.

“Come on Akaashi kun, just one night. You don’t have any tests this week right?” Koushi said with an almost knowing smile.

“I have a calculus test…” Keiji tried to excuse himself.

“Which got postponed to next week right? Noya san is in your class if I remembered correctly.” Lev interrupted.

Keiji swallowed uneasily as he remembered the noisy short man with the blond streak. “It must have slipped my mind.”

“Come on Akaashi!” Koutarou bounced next to him.

Keiji decided to give in. Maybe one night won’t hurt. Even Kenma was going. Perhaps it was worth it.

“I’ll come.”

“Yay! Akaashi we’ll have so much fun! You have to dance with the Bokuto bot!” Koutarou cheered as he pulled Keiji into a big hug.

“Bokuto bot?” Keiji asked, “What?” his voice was muffled because of being pressed against Koutarou’s jacket.

The group broke into hearty laughter.

“Oh man…” Kuroo wheezed. “He still calls himself that.”

“Shut up bro, you love all my moves.” Koutarou huffed out; a playful smirk on his face appearing in the next second.

“You did do the economics work you were procrastinating on?” Kuroo asked, poking Koutarou’s side. Keiji was released from the other’s hold as he swore.

“Shit! I completely forgot! God I can’t drink too much tonight then, hell I’ll even leave early!”

His statement was greeted with a lot of ‘boos’ and ‘chill man’ from the others but Koutarou shook his head.

“This assignment is important and I can’t work in a hangover. Tried that last year and failed miserably. Nope.”

Keiji noted the change in Koutarou’s character all of a sudden. Just a minute ago he was jumping around excited and now his brows were furrowed as they jogged ahead, as if deep in thought. Was he thinking about how to do both?

“Bokuto san?”

Koutarou looked at him in surprise and then he laughed. “I really can’t get out of this one. Man, I was really looking forward to partying all night. Economics you bastard.”

“Maybe this will teach you to not procrastinate.” Daichi muttered.

 

Keiji looked into his reflection once more. After going through his closet he decided to settle on a simple black, V neck, long sleeved shirt along with denim jeans. He decided to roll up his sleeves to look more casual. He wasn’t able to write the whole day. After classes he couldn’t stop thinking about the party. What kind of people would be there? Was it a mixed gathering or only guys? How much should he drink?

“Stop thinking so much.”

Keiji turned around to see Kenma standing behind him, wearing black pants and a red polo shirt. He smiled at Keiji before speaking,

“It’s just a party, just have fun. No one really judges.”

“I never thought you attended many parties.” Keiji blurted out. He wanted to slap himself. He never says something out of the blue. Was it nervousness? He blamed it on being nervous.

Kenma shrugged. “I guess. Shouyou and Tetsurou always pull me into them.” He bit his lower lip before adding, “Mostly Shouyou.”

A loud knock interrupted them and Keiji opened their room’s door. Outside, the said ‘Shouyou’, a short boy with wild orange hair stood grinning up at him.

“Is Kenma ready?” He asked.

“Yeah, come on in.” Keiji made way for the red head to enter.

“Kenma what are you wearing?!” Shouyou exclaimed in disappointment.

“Clothes.” Kenma muttered before he turned his attention to his phone.

“No, no, no. Class it up. Where is your black jacket?” Shouyou opened up Kenma’s cupboard and went through it.

“I don’t want to wear it.” Kenma scowled.

Shouyou took out a black denim jacket with a ripped sleeves design. “You will wear it because it’s practical and stylish.” He threw it in the fake blond’s direction who caught it and began to wear it slowly while shooting daggers in his friend’s direction.

The red head’s eyes found Keiji standing there and he grinned. “Akaashi san, are you going to Tanaka san’s place as well?”

“Yes.” Keiji replied.

Shouyou studied him a bit and shook his head. “Okay, why are you not wearing any bling?”

Keiji blinked. “Bling?”

“Yeah, like bracelets and a nice watch maybe. You can’t go in with your nice arms  _bare_.” Shouyou emphasized on the last word. “Wait, where are your accessories? Any piercings?”

Keiji shook his head as a no and opened his side drawer to take out a silver watch. “Will this do?” He showed it to Shouyou who gave him a thumbs up.

“It’ll do… and shoes?”

Keiji pointed to his black loafers to which Shouyou shook his head again.

“Look,” He began as he opened up Keiji’s cupboard without permission, “When we go to a party, especially parties like this one, we dress to impress.”

Kenma clicked his tongue in annoyance and he groaned. “Here we go again…”

Shouyou ignored him and glanced back at Keiji. “It’s like…you meet someone and BAM.” He animatedly flung his hands around as he searched for the words. “They don’t forget you ever. Appearance is the key. Try these instead.” He placed Keiji’s red sneakers to the side.

Keiji didn’t know how to respond. He never really expected to be lectured on clothing by Kenma’s best friend. Then again with Shouyou’s helpful and bright nature, it was probably a given.

“Thank you for your help,” Keiji said as he picked up the shoes.

“Meh, I try. I mean you have to show off once in a while.” Shouyou laughed as he shuffled with his own jacket.

“Showing off to Kageyama that is.” Kenma said in a dead pan voice before he began to put on his shoes.

“S..shut up! I try to but… he’s so dense! I’m going to catch his attention this time! I’ll buy you a drink if I get him to kiss me tonight!” Shouyou rambled out.

“You’re not that type though Hinata kun.” Keiji offered as he finished tying his laces.

“Just be yourself, I don’t want a drink anyways.” Kenma waved off. “Besides your appearance screams pay attention to me and all…” He eyed Shouyou’s slightly rolled up jeans, the yellow shirt with bold black ‘Howzzat!’ printed and red jacket.

“Whatever, let’s go.” Shouyou huffed out.

Keiji couldn’t help but smile a little as the two short friends walked ahead of him, one of them quiet as if he never wanted to be noticed while the other loudly speaking and telling stories of practice and how dense this Kageyama really was.

Hinata Shouyou, Keiji found out, was also in the volleyball team as a first year. He talked about how cool his seniors were and he would mimic moves which he claimed were the best he had ever seen in the volleyball matches. He reminded Keiji of a tiny Koutarou, lively as ever.

 

Upon entering the penthouse, they were greeted with people dancing and loud music drowning the conversations. Shouyou grabbed Kenma’s hand and they made their way to the music system. Keiji stayed near the entrance and studied the new environment he was in. The lights were dimmed and he couldn’t quite make out the people present.

A group of people broke out laughing loudly, a guy stumbled into the main lounge and a couple was making out in the side. Keiji glanced around nervously, hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do. He could dance but on looking towards the main dancing, seeing hands exploring waists and hips, people grinding, sharing swift kisses, Keiji decided he wasn’t really cut out for dancing anyways.

He could use this party as a scene for his story though. He imagined a bar full of strange and interesting aliens, the main character getting intoxicated, lowering their guard. An attractive individual approaches them and offers them another drink to which they accept. They get tipsy and tell their new attractive friend about the plans to infiltrate the dynasty’s head quarters. The individual is actually an undercover dynasty soldier. The main character would be in a pinch further ahead but unaware of this as they enjoy-

“Hey, hey, hey Akaashi!”

Keiji pulled away from his imagination as he turned to face Koutarou who jumped towards him. He was followed by Kuroo and another man with a shaved head. All of them were holding drinks.

“Hello.” Keiji greeted.

“Yo Tanaka!” Koutarou shouted through the music, “This is our new pal Akaashi, we invited him, the poor dude doesn’t know about partying man!” He mocked wiping a tear as Tanaka sneered at him.

“Nice to meet ya!” Tanaka extended his free hand which Keiji shook. “Akaashi san huh? The name’s Tanaka Ryunsuke, welcome!”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I came uninvited though.” Keiji said shuffling his feet a bit.

Tanaka laughed. “Oh my god you’re in need of this.” He handed his cup to Keiji. “I haven’t drunk from it; go ahead, you need it in your system. Loosen up!”

“Well, Akaashi kun, I’m off to find Kenma. Have fun ‘kay.” Kuroo said, taking a sip from his cup. “And you,” He punched Koutarou lightly, “No more drinks than four. You have an assignment remember.”

“Go find your Kenma, I know my limit bro.” Koutarou grinned and swung his arm around Keiji’s shoulders. “Akaashi, let’s meet new people shall we? That’s a first in any party.”

Keiji nodded and took a sip. He scrunched his nose. Besides the faint orange taste it had a strong taste of alcohol…vodka maybe? Keiji wanted to put his cup aside somewhere. He did not want to drink that. Koutarou must have noticed his face as he began to speak.

“Heh, it tastes bad at first but then you really don’t notice it later. When you’re dancing it off and all,” He waved at a couple of girls near the counter and steered Keiji towards their direction, “Say have you ever had anything alcoholic before?”

“I’ve had champagne a few times at new years eve.” Keiji replied, with his voice raised so that Koutarou could hear.

“Ah never had a tequila shot before?”

“…no.”

“So are you straight or homo or what? Like we can hook you up with someone if you want. If Kuroo holds a party it’s like full gay but Tanaka’s straight so a bigger crowd you know,” Koutarou finished the last of his drink, “With more people to know. So here’s where you can find someone.”

Keiji looked at Koutarou seriously. “Bokuto san, I really don’t want to hook up with some one. And as for sexuality…” He gulped down his drink regardless of how bitter it was, “I haven’t really cared about that to be honest.”

He felt Koutarou study him a little before he chuckled. “Fine, fine. Maybe we’ll find out your preferences tonight. Who knows? Come on with me.”

Koutarou removed his arm and marched towards the girls. “Ladies.” He said receiving giggles and hellos from them. He turned his head to Keiji and motioned him to come over. “This is my friend Akaashi.” He introduced Keiji who nodded awkwardly.

“Bo-ku-to…” One of the girls drawled out, “Is he your boyfriend? Quite a looker.”

“Give him a shot won’t you?” Koutarou said with a huge grin.

He was handed over a small glass. “Akaashi, try this. I would but…” He shrugged, “Assignment. Besides you need a little buzz right?”

Keiji eyed the glass before taking it and drank it whole. It felt as if he drank burning water. His throat felt on fire. He tried not to show his disgust and handed the glass back to Koutarou before covering his mouth. Koutarou slapped his back playfully and laughed.

“Not bad eh?”

“I guess Bokuto san…”

 _“Not good.”_ He thought to himself.

One of the girls tried to talk to him over the loud music and when he couldn’t hear her he came closer to her. He found himself leaning against the counter as a few girls who were sober enough asked him about his courses and hobbies. He was handed yet another drink in a plastic cup as he listened to the others chat.

Keiji found himself drinking the booze and he felt freer… Questions thrown to him were easily answered; his shoulders which were stiff before relaxed and he found himself laughing easily in front of strangers. Koutarou had excused himself to the main dancing and Keiji found himself tapping his feet to the music.

He could use this scene well, he thought, as he observed strangers and not so strangers dance and stumble about. He noticed Kuroo and Kenma in the corner, Kuroo’s hands on Kenma’s hips as they tried to sway to the beat and kiss at the same time. He saw the flurry of orange hair and a tall raven haired man holding each other from the sides as they walked out of the main lounge to some other area of the house. Lev was seen trying to pick up an angry Yaku.

“Fun…” Keiji muttered as he finished his fourth cup? He didn’t quite remember. One of the girls grabbed his hand and pulled him into the dance floor. It was cramped near the music system and as the girl began to dance, Keiji spotted white and black hair. He found his eyes following the hair and he left the girl and made way through the sweaty and buzzed crowd.

How would Koutarou’s character act in here? Keiji wondered as he shuffled through people, following Koutarou’s hair which was peeking up from time to time. His thoughts began to jumble. It was dark and lively. What color would suit this atmosphere?

“Emerald… no orange…” Keiji muttered as he finally found Koutarou. “Gold…”

“Broooo why not?” Tanaka slurred his words as he tried to stop Koutarou. “We’re just starting th’games!”

“Dude, I love the party. I really want to get hammered and all but I can’t fail this class.” Koutarou replied.

“Fuck you.” Tanaka spat at him and staggered away mumbling things which Koutarou didn’t understand.

“Found you Bokuto bot!” Keiji shouted through the music as he grabbed Koutarou’s arm.

“Huh? Akaashi?” Koutarou’s eyes widened as he studied Keiji.

“Dance…” Keiji said before breaking into giggles. His hands were on Koutarou’s shoulders and he began to move his hips. Keiji looked up from his lashes to meet the taller man’s gaze who swallowed uneasily. He seemed to be too confused for words.

“Akaashi, how much did you drink?” Koutarou asked while his hands found Keiji’s waist.

“Bokuto bot.” Keiji studied his face as he said the words slowly, his fingers trailing up Koutarou’s neck to his hair.

“Okay… you clearly are drunk.” Koutarou stated as he pushed Keiji away gently and took his hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

Keiji giggled as they walked out of the main door. Koutarou was acting weird as they crossed the streets to somewhere. Probably the university dorms. Keiji kept glancing towards the man besides him, breaking into smiles. He looked so unreal. His hair spiked that way, broad shoulders and a slight pinkness dusted on his cheeks. It was as if his character was brought to life- save the feathers- his gold eyes glittering despite the darkness of the night whenever he glanced at him.

“You know, I would have left you there… but I felt as if you’re the type to regret. Hell I regretted it, I think I slept with a person the first time I partied, no pants and all when I woke up but no… person. Still don’t know who it was.” He chuckled and looked at Keiji.

He was real, Keiji thought to himself. His character was here with him holding his hands. Talking with his brows furrowed, the crinkles in his forehead to the lining of his lips, the gleam in his eyes, he was perfect. Not only was he perfect but he was all Keiji’s.

Keiji stopped in his steps and Koutarou looked at him questioningly.

“What’s wrong Akaashi?”

Keiji was so lucky, this man before him was perfect and all-

“Mine.” Keiji breathed out and then giggled.

“Huh?”

He slipped his hands out of Koutarou’s and cupped the other man’s face, lowering it till their noses brushed.

“You’re perfect and you’re aaallll miiiinee.” Keiji slurred and he broke out into a silent laugh.   

“I see…” Koutarou stiffened a little at first but then he smiled, “You look really nice today Akaashi.”

Keiji broke into a yawn and his hands found Koutarou’s waist and his head rested on the other man’s shoulder.

“I’m so lucky…” Keiji mumbled before his eyes drooped.

 

Bokuto Koutarou. Male. Economics major. Bisexual. Terrible flirt. Volleyball player. Get’s a range of minor to terrible mood swings.

And he's all Keiji's.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Rubatosis ( _n.)_**

**_The unsettling awareness of your own heart beat._ **

**_(THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROWS)_ **

****

His eyes opened slowly and he registered where he was. He was curled up in a bed, in a room similar to his, yet different. The curtains were draped over the windows, making it dark. At least he didn’t have to face a bright light. The blanket and sheets smelled different as well. Moreover his throat and head hurt. His throat was dry as if he had swallowed dust last night. He tried to sit upright, supporting his weight against the bed. He rubbed his temples. How long was he out?

“You’re awake?”

Keiji’s eyes found Koutarou seated at a desk. He got up and went to the kitchen only to return with a water bottle and medicine. Keiji squinted a little before he took the water and gulped it down. He inhaled deeply and leaned against the wall. His throat felt a little better. However he felt disgusting. His clothes had the faint smell of sweat and his face felt oily. He arched his back a little to stretch and pushed away the blanket on top of him.

Koutarou was observing him from the bed across, his gaze shifted to the ground when Keiji noticed.

“Bokuto san.”

Koutarou looked back towards Keiji, his eyes still having that glimmer and his smile returned. “Yeah what’s up Akaashi?”

“How did I get here? Is this your room?” Keiji asked, studying his surroundings more carefully.

“Oh, it’s a funny story. You were drunk, a light weight aren’t you? Any who I felt as if you might not like waking up to someone you might not even know or you might end up on the street… Just looking out for you… so I brought you back to my room.” Koutarou replied, laughing in between.

Keiji felt his eyelids droop. He still felt tired for some reason. At least Koutarou didn’t let him do anything stupid. He would have regretted it greatly. He returned his gaze back to Koutarou who was playing with his fingers and then shot up suddenly.

“Let me just write this conclusion.” Koutarou made way to his desk and began typing on his laptop. “I can’t believe I actually finished this baby last night. While being buzzed! And it still sounds great.”

“That’s nice.”

Koutarou grinned at him for a second before he returned to type. “Do you have any idea what kind of drunken texts and snaps I’ve been getting last night? Man, must’ve been one hell of a party.”

“Really?” Keiji asked even though he wasn’t really interested. His head throbbed a little and he drank more water. A word kept on repeating in his mind and Keiji was unsure of where he had used it.

_Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine._

“Yeah like Oikawa and Iwaizumi entered the party late but Oikawa managed to snap the whole game of Never have I ever. Man that one was funny.”

J pop music suddenly began playing and Koutarou quickly grabbed the phone on the desk.

“Rise and shine?” Koutarou greeted and mouthed ‘Kuroo’ to Keiji. “Yeah, hmm, okay…” Koutarou turned the setting on speaker and Keiji heard the hoarse voice belonging to the person on the other line.

“…And now I think I’m in Kenma’s dorm, Kenma is here with me and ugh my head.”

“Kind of makes me glad I didn’t drink.” Koutarou commented as he walked over to the cupboard which probably belonged to his roommate.

“And if we’re in Kenma’s dorm… wait…oh shit. I think we fucked in Akaashi’s bed…”

Keiji’s eyes widened in surprise and Koutarou laughed loudly.

“Not funny bro, Akaashi isn’t even here where is he, god damn it.” Kuroo hissed.

“Bro, he’s right here with me.”

“What… dude did you and…”

“No, no, he was drunk and,” Koutarou flung a t shirt on the bed before giving Keiji a wink, “He just looked that sexy at that time, I didn’t want anyone to exploit that. If I was doing anything, it was my paper. I brought back Akaashi for selfless yet selfish reasons.”

Keiji felt blood rushing up his face. Koutarou was just baselessly flirting with him and it was in his nature. He wasn’t really interested in Keiji. Of course not and besides Keiji should have been used to this side of Koutarou by now.

“Dude that makes no sense and it sounds creepy.” Kuroo commented.

“Well I’ve had my phone on speaker for quite a while and Akaashi knows you came on his bed.”

“ _What.”_

“It’s alright Kuroo san. You can put the sheets to one side.” Keiji said calmly.

“Akaashi kun I am so sorry-.”

“Shut up Tetsu.” A small voice drawled out. Probably Kenma’s.

“Take your time Kuroo san. It’s okay.”

“Also Akaashi will be wearing your clothes.” Koutarou chimed in.

“Yeah fine okay I’m sorry.” Kuroo said at last and hung up.

Koutarou handed him a t shirt and jeans. “I don’t think my size will fit you, and I mostly wear loose clothes. Kuroo on the other hand likes things fit, so this might work.”

Keiji opened his mouth to argue that no really its fine and he could do without them when Koutarou ruffled his hair.

“Go take a bath and change. Trust me you’ll feel a lot better. Personal experience.” Koutarou helped Keiji up and then sat back on his chair. “Let me just send this and you come back up. Then we’ll have breakfast.”

“Bokuto san, you really don’t have to.”

“Nah, it’ll take time for Kuroo and Kenma to come back to their senses okay? Besides, breakfast is important even if its,” He paused to check the clock, “Noon!”

 

When Keiji returned back from taking a shower and feeling much better like Koutarou had said, they both headed out for the university café. It was still unnerving to walk alongside Koutarou after he had flirted with him and his head would hurt a little as the same word repeated inside.

_Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine._

Koutarou was narrating his experiences about the parties in his freshman year and how he had ‘screwed up big time’ to ‘that one awesome night’ to ‘almost getting caught for being too high on smoking.’ As Keiji pushed the door open, he was welcomed by the scent of coffee and baked goods. A blonde girl was wiping the counter and save for a couple of people the café was empty.

That still didn’t stop Koutarou from being as loud as ever.

“Yachi san! Didn’t see you last night!”

The girl jumped and with wide eyes she faced their direction. Keiji took in a deep breath as they were right at the counter.

“Bokuto san! H-hi! Don’t scare me like that!” The girl stuttered. “And yes I didn’t go. I had an assignment to do.”

Koutarou grinned on hearing this and raised his hand, “High five! Same! Well I left early after a few drinks but for an assignment.”

The girl ‘Yachi Hitoka’ as her tag read returned the high five. “That’s rare… after all I’ve heard about you.”

“Shhh… those were first year times, I’m very serious now.”

“He’s not.” Keiji cut in.

Yachi blinked a few times before she giggled as Koutarou’s mouth hung open.

“ _Akaashi!”_ Koutarou sounded as if he was deeply hurt.

“I’ll have a cappuccino with extra froth… and a blueberry muffin.” Keiji went on unaffected. He didn’t mean to sound rude but he needed the caffeine. His head wouldn’t stop tumbling about.

_Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine._

“What about you Bokuto san?” Yachi asked.

“Latte and that chocolate donut with sprinkles.” Koutarou huffed out. “Also, it’s on me.”

Keiji glanced at him, “No it’s not. I’ll pay for my own Bokuto san.”

“Where’s your wallet?” Koutarou asked with a playful smirk.

Oh. Right. He was wearing Kuroo’s clothes. Of course.

Keiji sighed. “Fine.”

Yachi laughed. “Are you two together?”

Koutarou and Keiji both glanced towards each other before they averted their gazes.

“Aww come on Yachi san, just because I come with someone together doesn’t mean I’m dating them!”

“Hmm.” Yachi went to the machines. “Whatever you say. Anyone would think you both are a couple though…n-not that they would judge!”

Koutarou chuckled and Keiji tried to look away and concentrate on something else. But what? He could think further for his story but with his current condition he didn’t believe he would actually be very creative. He needed the caffeine to wake up. 

 

They were soon seated on a table to the side. Koutarou kept on talking about his volleyball matches, unaffected by the comment from Yachi earlier. Granted there was nothing to be affected about it anyways, she was just observing like any other human being would, but it still made Keiji nervous. He took a sip from his coffee and winced. It was hotter than he had expected and he had burnt his tongue. He took a bite off the cupcake instead.

“How are you feeling?”

The question caught Keiji off guard. “Sorry?”

Koutarou cleared his throat and repeated, “How are you feeling, better?”

_Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine._

He could lie. He could say that he was perfectly fine now, but the words would not leave him.

“Bokuto san, did I say anything strange last night? Something along the words of ‘mine’?” Keiji asked, rubbing his temples.

Koutarou laughed dryly. “You didn’t say anything strange Akaashi! You’ll get the bits and pieces in a few hours but don’t worry!” His eyes were no longer fixated on Keiji and he heard Koutarou’s feet shuffle.

Keiji raised his brow and decided to leave it at that. Koutarou was the one who was acting strange right now. It only made Keiji more suspicious. Something probably went wrong and he was hiding it. He could only hope that Koutarou was right about his memory coming back in a while.

However, a feeling tugged at him. Did he really need to know last night’s events?

“Oh! Hey do you like documentaries?” Koutarou exclaimed loudly.

Keiji blinked at the sudden out burst and replied quietly, “I guess I do, I’m not very picky.”

“Awesome okay, do you like owls?”

“They’re interesting birds.”

“I know right!” Koutarou grinned, “Okay look, you know the movie rental store besides the library? My bro Asahi works there and he told me they just got five owl documentaries.  _Five,_ can you believe?! Asahi was the tall one with the man bun by the way in the party, he’s such a shy guy and amazing as well because he just kept all the documentaries aside for me!”

 Keiji tried to remember this Asahi from the party but he couldn’t produce any results from his memory. It frustrated him a little. He made a mental note to never drink again. His body was just not cut out for it.

Koutarou was now fiddling with his thumbs and he grinned widely before he began to speak again.

“I was wondering… do you want to watch them with me next Saturday?”

Keiji looked at him in surprise. Of all people, and all times, he was not expecting an invitation. Why was Koutarou even being that nice to him? Was there any ulterior motive behind him being sweet to Keiji?

“Ack!” Koutarou smacked his head, “I forgot you have a calculus test next week! I’m sorry Akaashi I should have remembered!”

He looked comical with his hands in his already wild hair as he mumbled ‘stupid stupid stupid’ under his breath. Keiji could not help but let a small laugh escape his lips. He could say yes. There was going to be no harm anyways, as long as no drinks were involved. He would even get some good information about owls; his character based on Koutarou did seem like an owl, he would be able to get hold of some research. It was a win-win situation to be honest.

“I’ve already started practicing Bokuto san, so I think I can come over to watch the documentaries with you.” Keiji replied slowly and carefully.

Koutarou’s eyes widened and his teeth flashed. “Are you sure? Oh my god Akaashi you’re awesome like Kuroo won’t even watch stuff like this with me! Hey maybe we can switch roommates like you come over while Kuroo stays at your dorm!” His voice was now low in a whisper and Keiji glanced a bit around the café wondering if there was someone Koutarou did not want near them, “We’ll be all sneaky so that the wardens don’t notice like some detective movie!”

“Very well Bokuto san.”

As they finished the last of their coffees, they made their way back to the dorms.

“You know, I actually have a few calculus notes in my dorm. Do you have class in room 14?” Koutarou asked, skipping on the pavement while Keiji followed him.

“Yes I do, how did you know?” Keiji asked, while trying to look as normal as possible while wearing the clothes still big for him.

“Lucky guess. Ikari san teaches in that room. He never changes the first semester pattern of the test okay like I was lucky enough to have Iwaizumi as my senior; I got his notes and aced the class.”

“Really?”

Koutarou smiled widely back at him, his gold eyes burning with excitement. “Yeah! And you’re lucky you have me! You can have my notes!”

“That’s very thoughtful of you Bokuto san. I never really took you for keeping notes safe.” Keiji commented at which Koutarou pouted.

“I’m a serious guy Akaashi… you’re all so mean! I’m actually good in math and calculations. Only the theory throws me off from time to time okay.” He huffed out and then took out his phone. “Kuroo and Kenma have changed your bed sheets apparently.” He smirked at Keiji who averted his gaze. He still had not thought of how to deal with looking at Kenma again.

“Well let’s just get my clothes and the notes.”

“Please don’t let Kuroo live this one down Akaashi. Give him hell!” Koutarou laughed out loud.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.” Keiji replied but he found himself grinning as well.

 

Kuroo seemed to have left their dorm before Keiji entered, carrying his own clothes and a bundle of calculus notes Koutarou had insisted he referred to for the test. He saw Kenma seated on the couch playing Love Live on his phone. Keiji awkwardly walked to his own bed and kept his things carefully on it.

“Sorry about that.”

Keiji turned around and saw Kenma looking up from his phone, a slight pink dusted on his cheeks. His eyes were focused on Keiji’s and Keiji noticed that they did not avoid eye contact.

“It’s really fine.” Keiji began, “I’m not angry or anything. These things happen.”

He saw Kenma’s shoulders relax and the game was resumed on his phone. “I told Kuroo it was the wrong bed last night but he didn’t listen. Where were you by the way?”

“I was in Bokuto’s dorm. I passed out or something I don’t remember and then we went for breakfast.” Keiji replied. He really couldn’t hide anything from Kenma. It just felt perfectly fine to tell him about every single detail of his life.

“Interesting.”

Keiji laughed dryly as he sat next to Kenma on the couch. “There’s nothing interesting about that.”

“You’re happy. Something happened.”

Keiji sighed. “I may have been asked to watch owl documentaries with him.”

The level completed tune filled their room and Kenma glanced at Keiji. “So you got asked out on a date basically.”

“More like he wanted company and Kuroo san does not like documentaries. I don’t think he’s interested in me. No one is.”

Kenma clicked his tongue and mumbled, “You’re an idiot.”

 

Keiji typed in the next scenario in his story after finishing his studies later in the night. Kenma was fast asleep and the only light source was from the laptop itself on Keiji’s desk. He began to visualize Koutarou’s character but instead of an alien creature with features unlike a human, Keiji found gold eyes widened with confusion as a voice echoed in his head and it sounded familiar. Two hands cupped the face before and he heard himself.

Keiji cringed. He got up from his seat and paced around. This wasn’t possible, he had held Koutarou’s face last night and to make matters worse… he had declared Koutarou as his…

How would he face Koutarou the next day, Keiji did not know. His heart beat loudly and he could feel as if it would fall off any moment.

“You fucked up Keiji.” He whispered as he pressed his forehead against the wall.

                               

He stayed in bed the next day.

Keiji woke up at seven to his alarm buzzing. He yawned and reached out for his phone. It had been on silent and he saw four calls and a text from Koutarou.

>From: Bokuto san

**Akaashi? U ok? Txt me wen u read dis \\(0v0)/**

Keiji didn’t reply. He didn’t know how to reply actually. How could he face Koutarou anyways? Hence the text was forgotten as Keiji attended his lectures and avoided the halls where he could potentially meet up with the volleyball team.

He caught a glimpse of Daichi in the hallways but since the other man’s head was in a book while walking, Keiji was able to steer away from him. His phone still felt heavy in his pocket. He had to reply soon.

“Yeah but what do you want to talk to me about?” Koutarou’s voice ringed from the corridor Keiji was about to enter. He froze in his steps, his back against the wall as he heard two people talking, one being Koutarou.

“About who you left with… are you both?” A male voice which Keiji didn’t recognize asked slowly.

“No? Why are you so concerned anyways Saru?”

“Hmm oh? Nothing just curious.” The ‘Saru’ chuckled. “Whatever look at the time don’t you have a class?”

“Shit.”

Keiji quickly took out his notebook and held it straight to cover his face as Koutarou ran past him. He slowly lowered it and let out a relieved sigh. As he entered the other corridor, he made eye contact with a boy who leaned against the wall, studying him with his droopy eyes, smiling a bit, his hair short and curly. Keiji increased his pace, staring ahead instead of the person.

 

Back in his dorm, he took out his phone and began to text Koutarou. What would he even reply with? He paced around and thought hard. At the end he came up with a reasonable response.

>To: Bokuto san

**I overslept so I could not join you. Sorry for worrying you. Also I apologize for that night. I did not intend to make you uncomfortable, sorry.**

He sent it and prayed silently that Koutarou would forgive him. Within a minute since Keiji had sent the text, his phone began to ring. Keiji was startled by the ringtone and looked at the screen. It was a call from Koutarou. He breathed in and answered it.

“Hello.”

“Akaashi oh my god you were shy because of that?!” Koutarou’s loud voice caused Keiji to wince a bit.

Before he could reply Koutarou started talking again, “Look you don’t need to feel awkward, I would have told you myself but I didn’t know how to phrase it! Like I don’t know how I’d break it to you! ‘Hey Akaashi you were drunk last night and you claimed ownership of me.’ That sounds weird so I’m sorry!”

“I still made you uneasy…” Keiji trailed off remembering the way how Koutarou looked away when he had asked him about the night.

He heard a laugh from the other line. “There was this time last year when Kuroo and I were so drunk at this senior party we made out. Like full on kissing and what not. When we came to our senses we avoided each other for a whole month I mean imagine making out with the person you think of as a brother!  _That_  was uneasy. So don’t worry too much.”

Keiji found himself smiling. “Thank you Bokuto san.”

“You’re coming tomorrow right? For the run I mean.” Koutarou added.

“Yes.”

“Awesome. See you later Akaashi!” Koutarou hung up.

 

He collapsed on his bed and shut his eyes. He put his hand over his chest and felt his heart beating wildly. If anyone was in the same room as him they would have seen his hands quivering while he talked with Koutarou. It made him feel grateful that this conversation was on the phone rather face to face. He would have been unable to hide his nervousness on his face. At least this was off his shoulders.

He sat back up and went to his desk to turn on his laptop. Since the whole issue was resolved he could write with a clear mind again. He could paint that wall with gold again. He began to form the dialogues in his head; he had to write about Koutarou’s character and his solo mission. And yet… he found himself writing about an individual with curly hair and droopy eyes luring Koutarou’s character into a trap.

He slapped his forehead and then sunk back in his chair. He was supposed to paint his wall gold not black! He groaned and cursed at no one in particular.

Bokuto Koutarou. Male. A year older than Keiji. Bisexual. Economics major. Terrible flirt. Has mood swings which vary in intensity. Volleyball player. Likes to give advice. Forgives easily.

And he currently occupies Keiji’s every thought.

 

* * *

 

**Sempiternal ( _adj.)_**

**_Eternal and unchanging; everlasting._ **

**_(OXFORD DICTIONARY)_ **

The week had passed peacefully. The next day since Keiji and Koutarou’s conversation on the phone, Keiji readied himself for questions from the volleyball team the next morning. However no one asked. Even Lev talked about something else and the others just greeted him like the usual days.

It was a relief yet a little suspicious. Keiji wondered if they knew. But the jovial atmosphere in the morning run with the others made him forget his nervousness as he smiled a little as Kuroo and Koutarou both narrated a funny story from their graduation ceremony in high school.

 

It was Saturday night and Keiji fumbled around with his clothes. In the end he decided on a red t shirt and his comfy black pants. He didn’t bother taking anything along with him besides his phone. They were going to be up the whole night considering Koutarou’s mood to watch all five of the owl documentaries.  

He ran his fingers through his hair while checking his reflection again and checked his breath subconsciously.

“You’re going to be late.” Kuroo chimed in.

Keiji glanced at the tall man before he put on his sneakers. “I’m leaving now. You can wait a little you know, Kenma’s not going anywhere.” He tried his best not to laugh as he saw Kuroo’s face. The poor guy was gaping before he coughed.

“We’re not always into that, Bo just gets very impatient.” He huffed out.

“Of course. Not my bed tonight if you guys do.” He gave him a small smile before heading out feeling Kuroo’s gaze on his back. Koutarou would love to hear about this.

 

“Akaashi! Finally!” Koutarou made way for Keiji to enter the dorm.

The dorm was cleaner and more organized than the last time Keiji was here. He took off his shoes and followed Koutarou towards the television where the other fumbled around with the DVDs.

“There’s pizza in the microwave by the way.” Koutarou looked up at Keiji, his gold eyes burning with excitement.

Keiji broke away from his gaze and nodded. He turned towards the kitchen to retrieve it. “I hope there are no drinks involved tonight.” He called out from the kitchen. The last thing he wanted was his drunk self taking Koutarou as his character again.

“Nah, there’s orange juice instead if you like.” Koutarou replied from the other room.

Soon they both sat on the carpet; instead of the couch Keiji noticed Koutarou had bean bags instead. It fit him and Kuroo somehow. The opening credits of the documentary started playing and Keiji felt Koutarou nudge closer to him. He could smell his aftershave and he felt his neck grow warmer. He really shouldn’t notice these small details.

“This one is my fave.” Koutarou whispered as he pointed at the small owl. “The Bubo virginianus, it really speaks to me.”

Keiji looked at the screen which showed the great horned owl and then slowly looked at Koutarou. “I have a feeling you’ve watched this one before…”

His mouth formed into a smile. “Guilty as charged.”

One documentary turned into two and then three. Keiji felt Koutarou’s gaze on him from time to time. He wasn’t very subtle about it though. It became obvious after a few times Keiji shifted he saw from the corner of his eye Koutarou quickly turning his face towards the screen. Keiji assumed Koutarou wanted to make sure he was watching the documentaries with interest. They were very useful to Keiji, he found out a lot about owl behavior and he knew he could use it as a basis for a new species in his story. However it was hard to concentrate when those eyes studied him from time to time.

 It was on the fourth one about barn owls when Keiji felt a yawn escape his lips. Not from boredom, but he was sleepy. He heard a soft snore. He turned and saw Koutarou fast asleep, leaning against the bean bag with his arms crossed. He looked so peaceful and so…

“Quiet.” Keiji whispered before he felt his lips twitch upwards. It had been quite a while since he was in Koutarou’s presence where silence hung between them. He recalled the last time was probably when he first met Koutarou in the dorm showers. Which led him to wonder if Koutarou lived in the second year building, why did he shower in the first year building?

He decided to leave that question for later and leaned back against his own bean bag to continue watching the documentary.

 

He woke up to an alarm buzzing. He didn’t bother opening his eyes and tried to reach out for the source of the noise. He wondered when he fell asleep and  _why_ he had some weight on his stomach. His hand found the vibrating phone and peered at it. The alarm had been buzzing for the last twenty minutes on Koutarou’s phone. Keiji groaned. Who sets an alarm of six in the morning on a  _Sunday?_

On the thought of Koutarou, he looked besides him. He then found the source of the weight. Somehow both of them during the night had slipped from their bean bags on to the carpet. Koutarou apparently moved a lot in his sleep given his arm was around Keiji’s waist and his legs were entangled with his.

Keiji got up, moving Koutarou’s arm away and shook the sleeping man’s shoulder.

“Bokuto san.”

“Huh…five more minutes…Let me defeat this guy…” Koutarou mumbled.

“Bokuto san your alarm went off twenty minutes ago.” Keiji said a little louder with another shake.

Koutarou opened his eyes slowly and then shot up wiping his drool. “Oh no.”

He got up and ran towards his closet tearing out a few clothes till he found his volleyball uniform.

“Bokuto san?” Keiji called out as the other man ran his hands through his hands worriedly cursing.

Koutarou whipped his head towards him which made Keiji get on his feet as well.

“Ah Akaashi I had an extra practice and shit I have like ten minutes to reach the court! I overslept!” Koutarou exclaimed as he picked up his shirt and pants.

“Then you shouldn’t have invited me then.” Keiji muttered and then added, “How can I help?”

Koutarou was already stripping off his shirt and Keiji had to hold in his squeak as he saw how built Koutarou really was.

_Look away Keiji, look away…_

“There’s a bag under my bed, can you put in a shirt and any pant or shorts please? And my phone.” He ran to the toilet and then called out from there as well, “And my keys on the desk!”

Keiji walked swiftly to Koutarou’s bed and took out the bag. He ran to the closet and ended up choosing a white sleeveless t shirt with an owl and khaki Bermuda shorts. He felt a thought creep up to him as he folded them: Would he really want others to see Koutarou’s built body, the shirt would give people an idea…Keiji shook his head. He wiped the thin line of sweat off his upper lip; it was a hot day today so obviously Koutarou would prefer something light, and besides other people had seen his body, not just him. He had no reason to even think of that. He shrugged the thought off. Just ridiculousness conjured from an empty mind.

He folded the clothes and kept them in and ran to the carpet and the desk to get Koutarou’s phone and keys respectively. The phone began ringing in his hand and Koutarou emerged from the toilet, his face dripping wet from splashing water hurriedly. Keiji glanced at the screen to see Kuroo’s name on it and gave him the phone.

“It’s from Kuroo san.”

Koutarou fumbled a bit with it before answering. “Yo! Yeah I’m up I’m up! It just slipped… I’m literally on the street!” He shouted as he drummed his fingers against the desk thinking of something and looking around as if trying to figure out what to do next.

Keiji slipped into the kitchen and opened a cabinet. He found granola bars and took out one, closing the cabinet and moved closer to the counter making way for Koutarou to enter who stumbled a bit before grabbing a glass.

“Careful Bokuto san.” Keiji said opening the fridge for Koutarou to take out the bottle of water and then closing it.

Koutarou gulped it down, wiped his lips and ran out to the corridor to put on his socks and shoes.

“Bokuto san, at least eat this on the way. Don’t practice with an empty stomach.” He held out the granola bar which Koutarou took as he tied his laces.

He then dusted his jacket before grinning at Keiji. “You make yourself at home. We have coffee in the kitchen drawer and mugs in the other cabinet. Lock the dorm when you leave ‘kay?”

“Yes Bokuto san.” Keiji replied crossing his arms. “You’re running late.”

Koutarou laughed. “Yeah, by this time I won’t be surprised if Sawamura skins me.” He opened the packet of the granola bar and flashed Keiji another smile. “Seriously, we were so in sync right now. It seems as if we’re like a married couple knowing each other’s steps, isn’t that strange? I liked it though. See ya!” Koutarou opened the door and ran out.

“Unfair.” Keiji muttered as he felt his heart skip a beat at Koutarou’s statement.

He decided to sleep a little on Koutarou’s bed. It was still far too early for a Sunday. As he stretched his arms and made way to the bed he found himself looking at the bag. Keiji covered his face. In all that hurry they both forgot about the bag.

He quickly opened the window and saw Koutarou already out of the building but close enough for Keiji to run and give the bag.

He grabbed the bag and glanced at his shoes. He didn’t have time to tie them if he had to catch up with Koutarou’s speed. He dashed out of the room barefoot.

The pavement was hot, even when it was early morning. He still didn’t stop. He could see Koutarou now a little.

“Bokuto san! Your bag! Bokuto san!” Keiji shouted, gasping for breath as he tried to catch up.

Koutarou who was running suddenly halted and then checked his hands. Keiji hoped he had realized by now that he was missing something. He then saw Koutarou turn quickly towards him with his face in shock.

“Bokuto san!” Keiji shouted again, his legs giving up. Running down the stairs wasn’t the best idea, Keiji observed as he tried to breathe.

He saw Koutarou break into a sprint and in no time he was before Keiji.

“Your… bag…” Keiji gasped out as he held it out to Koutarou.

“Akaashi.” Koutarou’s eyes gleamed in the daylight as they flickered towards his feet. He then pushed Keiji gently on the grass from the sidewalk and took his bag.

“You’re a lifesaver.” He whispered, loud enough for Keiji to hear. His expression was unreadable as his gold eyes burned into his dark ones and his lips were pressed in a thin line. “There’s burn medicine on Kuroo’s side, put that on when you go back and walk on the grass. Don’t do anything that rash; you might get blisters on your feet. ” He then did something unexpected. He leaned in and kissed Keiji’s cheek before breaking into a run again. “Thanks!” He shouted as he slung the bag on his shoulder, running as fast as he could.

Keiji didn’t know how to process it all. His fingers grazed his cheek, feeling the small crumbs of the granola bar on his skin.

He let out an exasperated noise. How will he paint this situation? Life suddenly felt so complex. Too many walls appeared and Keiji felt overwhelmed. The colors were all jumbled up and messy.

There was only one question that rung in his mind:

Why did he ever think it was a good idea to accept Koutarou’s invitation?

 

The air between them had definitely changed. On their morning runs which followed the incident, Keiji noticed Koutarou had become nervous around him.  _Uneasy,_ was the word Keiji preferred in this situation. Whenever he looked at Koutarou, the other just increased his pace as if to avoid eye contact completely.

The others had noticed it as well. They would sneak glances at both of them or would try to make them talk to each other but Koutarou seemed to just reply with a few sentences or such. None of them had asked Keiji what the matter was which made Keiji wonder; do they know?

He remembered after the kiss, he had nearly tripped on the stairs and then on entering the dorm he did what Koutarou had told him to do; he reached towards Kuroo’s drawers and took out the medicine, applied it to his feet and treaded to the carpet to sleep for a few more hours. After that, there was no way Keiji was going to sleep on Koutarou’s bed. He needed to forget, to brush it off as a mere gesture of gratitude but somewhere in his mind, he thought otherwise.

At present he decided to initiate a proper conversation with Koutarou as he dried the other’s hair. It had become a routine between them since the first day and they had talked a lot during those sessions. Silence now hung between them in the past few days. Keiji wanted to end it.

“I passed my calculus test with full marks Bokuto san, your notes helped a lot.”

“Really? That’s awesome glad I could be of help! Or my notes.” Koutarou laughed a bit.

“I haven’t heard much from you lately.” Keiji said casually as he turned off the dryer.

“I’ve just got a few things on my mind lately… I’ll talk more to you soon okay?” Koutarou gave him small smile as he began to apply his hair gel.

Keiji sighed. “As you wish Bokuto san.”

 

He knew something was definitely wrong with Koutarou when he entered the dorm showers. There was no shower running, no singing in the room and when he stepped into his cubicle with the shower on he did not hear the loud voice ask him like everyday;

“Hey, hey, hey Akaashi! You’re here?”  

He swallowed uneasily as he wondered what he did wrong. Was it because he didn’t acknowledge the incident on that one Sunday morning? As he lathered soap on his body he tried to fight back the questions and his thoughts. Was Koutarou acting this way because of him?

   

When he got dressed and left the building for his run, he slowed his steps as he neared Koutarou who seemed to be waiting for someone.

“Bokuto san?” Keiji questioned, glancing around to expect someone coming their way.

“Ah! Akaashi! Let’s go for our run?” Koutarou grinned and he began jogging.

“You weren’t there in the showers.” Keiji blurted out.

“Aha yeah about that, there was a free shower today, normally it’s always packed in the mornings so I come to the first year building.” Koutarou replied sheepishly.

There was silence again.

“Where are the others?” Keiji noted as he did not see anyone from the volleyball team join them.

“Who knows?” Koutarou chuckled, his brows furrowed as if he was expecting something to happen soon.

As they jogged further, Keiji became more uneasy. Where was Kuroo, Daichi or even Lev? He swallowed; something felt off.

Koutarou suddenly halted and Keiji stopped as well. The other man shuffled his feet a bit and then folded his arms to only unfold them again. He took in a deep breath and grinned at Keiji, his gold eyes smiling at him.

“Akaashi… I think you’re  _owl_ some and since day one,” He licked his lips as he stepped closer and took Keiji’s hand in his and directed it to his own chest. Keiji felt his heart beating fast and swore his own had sped up that instant. “Since day one my heart has been  _hooting_ to get your attention. If you feel the same way, just give me a  _coo_?”

Keiji broke into a smile, “That’s a terrible line Bokuto san…”

“Hey it was a good one!”

Keiji looked at the smiling man before him. It was so easy… to say yes. He could do so and maybe they would be just like Keiji’s small fantasies. Along the way he too had realized what he wanted from Koutarou. The kiss on the cheek which had been pushed to the side would ring back in his head from time to time and then he decided to amuse the idea of Koutarou taking interest in him.

Then the small fantasies came; sharing food together, studying together and sharing fleeting kisses. Then noticing couples and wondering whether he and Koutarou would ever be like that. Those fantasies were always pushed aside but they’d sneak in from time to time.

The day when he woke up and held his head in his hands, feeling every inch of his face heat up as he remembered the details of his dream, he knew he was in too deep.

As he grew to know more about Koutarou and told himself it was only research, he found himself admiring his traits.

Somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with Koutarou.

And now he had the chance to make everything true. He could give it a try, give  _them_ a chance. All he had to do was say yes, to slide his arms around the other’s neck and maybe close the distance. Like out of some book or story. It was so simple and yet he felt himself shaking. A weight was put on his heart; it felt so heavy. Why was it so heavy?

The hand against Koutarou’s chest was slowly pulled away rather than in his hair. His feet took a step back instead of closing the distance between their bodies. Instead of a yes, he heard himself saying something different:

“I’m sorry can you please give me more time?” Before he could see Koutarou’s face, he broke into a run to the opposite direction. He didn’t hear anyone running behind him but he didn’t look back. His eyes began to sting and he inwardly cursed himself. He could have just said ‘yes’! Everything would have turned out fine that way!

His run slowed to a walk as he made way to the area behind the computer science department building. It was still early morning so there were no people around. He let himself fall on his knees. He was tired. Tired of everything. Since how long was Koutarou in his life? Since when did he become so important to Keiji?

“It was just an observation.” Keiji choked out as he rubbed his eyes. He never had break downs. He would seal away those emotions. His feelings never mattered in the first place anyways. And yet now tears threatened to fall and all those frustrations he had locked now burst free.

It was  _just_ an observation of Koutarou, an acceptance of a new idea from a real person. And yet Keiji found himself having a muse. It was still fine like that. He was perfectly comfortable with their relationship like that; a relationship only Keiji acknowledged. Tears now streamed down his cheeks. He ruined the chance of a perfect moment. He had always been a failure. His grades were just an act to tell his parents that he was perfectly fine even if they had crushed his dream to write.

 _Literature_?  He remembered his father spit the word out when Keiji mentioned the course. He could never forget his mother’s disappointed gaze and he knew all his dreams were over. A more successful route was chosen for him and he decided to stick with that. After all an alternate universe fantasy might not let him survive the cruel reality of the world. That he needed to be more present after all; not in this Sci-Fi  _shit._  

_Stick to what your parents tell you, they know best._

What they didn’t know was that Keiji’s world had crumbled. His ideas, his hopes, his form of expression… an opportunity to truly show others his feelings, to hope other people found solace in his works… all gone. There was no wall to paint in that road. Not anymore.

What they didn’t know was that they had locked this boy away. Made him scared to make decisions for himself and only expecting his choices to backfire. That he’ll never know for sure if what he will decide is perfectly fine. That he’ll always have those two words rushing to him with a horrible scenario.

_What if?_

What if he and Koutarou didn’t work out? What if he gets hurt in this process? What if he hurts Koutarou in this relationship? What if they can’t manage the emotions? What if there are secrets? What if there is cheating even though Koutarou isn’t that type?

What if Keiji never deserved Koutarou’s love in the first place and Koutarou realized it during their relationship later? What if this dream, this fantasy with Koutarou only existed for a few weeks and then the spark fades away?

That’s why his heart was so heavy. He was so clouded in doubt. The scenarios kept on coming telling him that he should go back and tell Koutarou he’s sorry. That they should just be friends and that he was not worth being Koutarou’s partner.

He breathed in and out slowly, wiped the last of his tears and got up to his feet. He’ll just go back to Koutarou to tell him he can’t. His treaded towards the place he left Koutarou, expecting Koutarou to be seated probably talking to Kuroo on the phone, in his moods again.

There was no Koutarou when he reached the area. He felt a giggle escape him as his eyes stung once more. What was he expecting? Why would Koutarou even wait for him? He was just an opportunity anyways for Koutarou. There were plenty of fish in the sea. Why on earth did Keiji think he was special? Because of the owl reference?

“I’m an idiot.” He said loudly, a laugh accompanying it and tears clouded his vision.

_How will you paint this situation Keiji?_

_…there is nothing to paint anymore._

“Well your fever is near normal now. Still feeling weak though Keiji?” A woman dressed sharply with her long black hair tied back in a bun put the thermometer on his desk.  

“A little… my hands shake a bit.”

“Ah my son…” She clicked her tongue as she kissed his forehead, “And to think you fell ill in your vacations.”

“It’s probably the weather.” Keiji smiled weakly up at his mother.

“Hmm, they did forecast a rainstorm in two days. You always do seem pale when the rainy season comes.” She kissed his hair so her lipstick wouldn’t smudge his forehead. “Are you sure you’ll be fine alone?”

“Yes, don’t worry mother.”

 “We’re leaving now.” His father piped in, adjusting his glasses as he entered the room. “You alright?” he asked, ruffling Keiji’s already untidy hair.

“Better.”

“Call if you have any trouble, I put your phone on your side drawer.” His mother said as she opened the door to leave. “We’re locking the house so you can lie in bed.”

“Have a safe trip.”

“Food’s in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

“I’ll be fine mother.”

His mother smiled wearily at him before she waved and closed his bedroom door. Keiji on his return had noticed she now had small wrinkles. His father’s hair was greyer than before. His parents were growing old.

A depressing thought to even consider but a reality. Keiji was sick of reality. His reality would always sneak into his words. Just a week earlier before he got ill, he had updated his story and it was more sorrowful with broken hopes and betrayal. He had gotten a few messages and reviews asking if  _he_ was alright. If only they knew. Keiji had no intentions of revealing his ordeal. Koutarou now was as fictional as his alien characters in his story.

The feverish nights made him wonder if he had actually just made up Koutarou all this time. That he was a figment of his own imagination and everyone just played along with it. How it was some scandal to make Keiji feel secure and accepted when he was actually devoid of any sanity. But the small touches on necks while drying each other’s hair didn’t seem like something Keiji would ever imagine. Nor would the crumbly kiss on his cheek be a figment of his dreams.

Those eyes were not imagined at all, the gold burning into his dark eyes, those eyes smiling when he laughed; Keiji had not imagined them. His aftershave, his room, and his deodorant in the mornings… each one had a vivid scent which Keiji could not forget. They did not cease to haunt Keiji though.

The week before vacations was depressing as ever. End of semester tests and no morning jogs, trapped in either his dorm or the library with the sun’s heat on his back everyday did not lift Keiji’s mood. Nor did it lift Koutarou’s, he observed. Koutarou would seem to be happy but his actions did not reflect the smiles he gave. He was slower and less loud. There were moments where they would cross paths normally on the way to the library, but both of them would avert their gazes.

It hurt. There were many times when Keiji just wanted to go to Koutarou and tell him everything. Why he acted that way on that day, all his hopes, his silly plans and his fears. Yet his body would not move an inch when Koutarou was near and his feet would take him to the opposite direction. Then the dreams began, where his character was curled up in a ball and he would look at him with sunken eyes. The color gold was no where to be found. Keiji had lost that color.

Even back in his home, his dreams would not leave him. His character would haunt him with those slow movements like as if it was near death. He would normally wake up sweating hard. Then the fever came and his temperature dropped slowly, draining the energy out of him. He was relieved he had updated before his sickness had got the better part of him.

During his vacations he was not in contact with anyone. Kenma would talk to him on text but that ceased too when Keiji’s fever was severe. There were no texts or calls from Koutarou. Not that Keiji expected any but with his nightmares repeating from time to time, he began to worry a bit.

His life was grey as it could ever be, depressing and still. He would have minor breakdowns from time to time but then his tears had run dry. There was nothing to cry about anymore, there was no point of grieving. He was not a victim; he had chosen this life the minute he agreed to walk the path which his parents wanted. He was not a victim either when it came to the subject of Koutarou; he could have been happy right now with the knowledge that he could talk to Koutarou whenever he pleased because they would have been together.

He was a coward. Running away from every hurdle he faced in life. No wonder his life was grey. There was no color, no spark and no excitement. He just had a lot of negativity. He reached for his phone and saw a new mail indicating a new review. He opened it and read the content:

**Guest:**

**I don’t know how this story took such a sad turn but it’s interesting. I’m not in a very good mood myself nowadays so I felt kind of glad this update wasn’t all happy and hopeful. It’s weird but you’re a good writer, keep it up!**

Keiji smiled. At least he wasn’t the only sad person out there. He hoped the reader would get better soon with their situation. He was about to keep his phone away when it started to ring. He looked at the screen and saw Kuroo’s name. He answered it.

“Hello.”

“Hey Akaashi… you don’t sound so good.” hearing it after weeks, Kuroo’s voice seemed foreign.

“I have fever, but I’m getting better.” He replied.

“Ah get well soon. Have you heard from Bokuto recently?”

“No… we haven’t interacted in a while.”

“Did anything happen between you two?” Kuroo asked.

So he didn’t know about the confession. Keiji swallowed a bit and pulled up his blanket. How would he explain the whole thing?

“He asked me out… and I told him to give me some time…”

“So you didn’t reject him?” Kuroo sounded genuinely surprised at Keiji’s response.

“No… what makes you think that? Is Bokuto san having his moods again?”

“It’s worse. Akaashi, I don’t want to put too much on your mind while you’re still sick, we’ll have this conversation later.”

Keiji sat up against his bed frame. “Please tell me what happened to Bokuto san, don’t leave this for later if his condition is bad.”

He heard a sigh from the other end. “He’s been depressed, I check on him everyday, we’re practically neighbors so yeah. He doesn’t talk much to his family and he won’t open up to me. He’s been off in university as well, like there was a stark difference but we were all so busy with tests and shit. And…um yeah so I’m worried and I thought maybe you knew why.”

“You were going to add something else Kuroo san.” Keiji pointed out as his fingers drummed fast on his knee. Koutarou’s condition seemed terrible and it was his fault entirely.

“His mom told me the other day... ugh that idiot… he stopped eating.”

“What?” Keiji couldn’t believe it. It was more extreme than all the other cases of mood swings Koutarou had. “Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know… he feels worthless? My guess is that he took your answer as a no and now he probably hates himself for being so hopeful and even more for disturbing you.” Kuroo chuckled, “That dimwit bastard, he fell hard for you… it was pretty obvious to all of us. You like him as well?”

A week back Keiji would have replied with a simple ‘I don’t know’ but after taking in so much and seeing so much grey and darkness in his current time, he knew the answer was something else; the one which he had kept buried in his heart for the longest time.

“I do… I was just caught off guard that moment, so much to take in.” Keiji felt his lips twitch upwards.

“Bokuto tends to overwhelm people from time to time. That never changed. That’s good, all the best. Do I call him and tell him the good news or you?” Kuroo sounded livelier than before.

“I’ll call him.”

“Okay, thanks. Get well soon Akaashi! Sleep after all this okay? And drink loads of water don’t get dehydrated in this season.”

“Thank you, good bye.”

“Good bye.” Kuroo hung up and Keiji slipped back into his blanket slowly.

The thought of calling Koutarou frightened Keiji a little. It really shouldn’t but he did feel a hint of guilt. He should have tried to talk to Koutarou all this time. He licked his lips only to press them, his eyes burned a bit because of the fever. Sleep could wait. After hearing Koutarou’s condition, Keiji really couldn’t toss it aside.

He dialed the number and waited. One ring, two rings, three things, four rings and a voicemail service. Keiji dialed it yet again. After a few more tries, Koutarou finally answered.

“Okay who are you bastard?” His voice was hoarse as if he had had a coughing fit before.

“Bokuto san?”

There was a minute of silence and Keiji thought of hanging up when Koutarou finally spoke;

“Akaashi? I didn’t see the contact sorry.”

“It’s alright. I was calling you a lot.” Keiji took in a deep breath. Here goes… everything. “You don’t sound well. Are you eating properly?”

“You don’t sound so good either.” Koutarou replied; his tone changed to that of being annoyed.

“I currently have a fever. You?”

“Just a little under the weather as well. Look I have to go, I’m sorry…”

“Bokuto san when I meant give me more time I didn’t say no.” Keiji blurted out. Koutarou simply could not hang up on him, Keiji wouldn’t allow it.

“What?”

“I still haven’t given you a proper answer yet. I didn’t say ‘no’ back then.” He sighed, “I just had a lot of things on my mind, a lot to process and I didn’t know what was right at that time.”

“So you don’t hate me?” Koutarou sounded as if he were in awe. His change in tone made Keiji relieved and his question caused a laugh to escape his lips.

“Why would I hate you anyways Bokuto san?” Keiji managed to speak during his giggle fit.

“Because you looked so shocked back then! I thought I had really fucked up!” Koutarou exclaimed and Keiji imagined the other man running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“Well you didn’t. So please eat and smile again. And wait for my answer when the new semester starts?”

“How did my family get your number…?” Koutarou trailed off.

“Kuroo san told me. You will eat now?” Keiji asked.

Koutarou chuckled from the other end, “Yeah I’m feeling mighty hungry now. But my prey is you.”

If Keiji could be any shade of red it would be a deep blood red. He didn’t have to see his reflection to confirm it. He coughed as he hugged his knees.

“That was pretty lame…”

“It got you heating up though am I right?” Koutarou teased.

“I have a fever Bokuto san.” Keiji stated but he knew Koutarou was absolutely correct in that aspect.

“Darn it! Okay you take care and drink lots of water. And yeah I’ll wait patiently for your reply. Nice talking to you Akaashi.”

“Thank you. Take care too Bokuto san. Good bye.”

“Good bye!”

Keiji then lied back on his bed, his hands trembling a bit when he kept his phone to the side. He had done it. He had called Koutarou and now he had to give him a proper answer. Before he could think of one, his eyes drooped and he yawned. Talking had drained him as well. So he left the issue for the next day and slept.

His character did not haunt him this time. He had a proper sleep after weeks.

Bokuto Koutarou. Male. A year older than Keiji. Bisexual. Economics major. Terrible flirt.  Volleyball player. Has moods which vary in intensity. Forgiving. Gives advice. Tends to jump to conclusions.

And he was, perhaps, Keiji’s first love.

* * *

 

**Filipendulous ( _adj.)_**

**_Suspended by or strung upon a thread._ **

**_(MERRIUM WEBSTER DICTIONARY)_ **

 

The summer was spent mostly in bed, looking out through the windows stained by raindrops. The exchanges between his parents during dinner were rather awkward and brief. The only thing which changed was the lively texts from Koutarou daily. They made Keiji smile without fail. His life was already colorful with Koutarou’s presence.

 Keiji looked at himself in the mirror on his dresser for one last time as he packed his bags. He had gotten skinnier, him losing two kilograms in the summers really showed. His shirts hung lose from his shoulders, his face looked thinner and the dark circles were apparent against his pale skin.

He sighed. What if Koutarou changes his mind when he sees him with this appearance? Keiji brushed the thought aside. He should be prepared for the worst but currently he had to give an answer.

“All done?” His mother entered the room and checked his bags if they were zipped up.

“Yes mother. Sorry for falling ill.” He smiled at his mother who shook her head and pulled him into a hug.

“Don’t fall sick in university. The last thing I want to hear is that you’re in bed alone in the dorms.”

His arms wrapped around her waist and he rested his head on her shoulders. “I’ll miss you.”

“And I shall miss you as well. I still cannot believe my baby is grown up.”

His father knocked on the door and they pulled away. “You’ll miss your bus Keiji.”

Keiji picked up his bag while his father picked the other and he received a kiss from his mother before he left their apartment.

 

He waited for the bus with his father. His mouth was dry. What was he supposed to say besides a good bye?

“Keiji.” He looked at his father who took a deep breath before he continued, “As long as you maintain an average GPA it’s perfectly fine with me. You don’t have to push yourself for a high one.”

Keiji raised his brow, “I don’t understand.”

“I know you wanted to do literature, but it was too risky. But if you want to write, I won’t stop you. Get your degree and then I’ll help you in everything else.” He looked at Keiji with a gentle look, completely different from his strict demeanor.

“Thank you.” Keiji swallowed. He didn’t know how to take it in. Was he supposed to be grateful? Before he could say anything further the bus arrived and his father pulled him into an embrace before Keiji boarded the bus with his luggage.

As he took his seat, Keiji didn’t look out the window. Instead he stared down at his hands. Everything seemed surreal. Did he really deserve all this?

“I do.” He whispered, hoping those demons of doubt would leave him alone. He deserved a chance to be happy, to paint his life colorful once more. The only one stopping him… was himself.

 

He entered his dorm to be greeted by loud shouts from Shouyou.

“I lost again!”

“You never use your combo move, that’s why you lose.” Kenma’s voice was calm compared to the frustrated whines of his friend.

“I see you people arrived before me.” Keiji said as he pulled his bags towards his cupboard.

Shouyou immediately left the couch to help him with his bags. “The volleyball practices start before classes because the Winter Cup tournament is near. Kenma came with Kuroo so that’s why he’s here as well.”

“I see. Thank you Hinata kun, I can take it from here.” Keiji opened the bags and began to keep his clothes on his bed.

“Aren’t you going to be late for Kageyama’s invite?” Kenma asked Shouyou out of the blue.

Shouyou groaned. “We live in the same town and he asked me to meet him near the park café in the summers. And I was like ‘Hey! Can this be a date?’ so I showed up in a dress shirt and pants. I wore proper clothes while he is ten minutes late wearing jeans and a t shirt. He just wanted to practice his tosses!”

“You should just tell him.” Kenma said with an amused smile.

“That’s the difficult part! Ugh I’m going now. See you guys.” Shouyou put on his shoes and left the room.

“You really do look as if you spent the whole summers sick.” Kenma noted when they both were alone.

Keiji laughed wearily as he put up his clothes in his cupboard. “I was both physically and mentally sick. Do I look that bad?”

“Sort of.”

“Bokuto san will probably regret asking me out.” Keiji let out his thoughts.

“Not really. He isn’t like that.” Kenma was now standing next to him and helping him out with unpacking. “After this you can go to the second gym; he’ll be practicing there with Kuroo right now.”

Keiji sighed as the last piece of clothing was hung. “Let’s just get this over with.”

 

He jogged to the gym and stopped a little before the main door. His heart was beating faster than before and he tried to frame his wordings. This was it. This was the moment Keiji had decided upon himself. He took in a deep breath but froze as he heard voices from besides the building.

“We could get together again.” Keiji winced as he recognized the voice. He decided to hide behind the tree to get a closer look.

“I don’t know…” Koutarou said and Keiji was able to make out that Koutarou was uneasy with that ‘Saru’.

“You weren’t yourself when we met yesterday. What’s bothering you?”

“Sarukui… look I’m waiting for a response from someone and besides we didn’t work out then… then we won’t work out now as well.” Koutarou replied.

“And what if that someone gives you a negative response?” Sarukui questioned.

“Then I’ll live with that.”

“And what if they use you?”

“Where are you even going with this? I’m off to practice.” Koutarou huffed out and walked away.

Keiji was still in his place. This time was not right to tell Koutarou. He stepped back cautiously but his eyes met Sarukui’s. The other man sneered at him and left the area. Keiji shook his head. There was no way… that Koutarou would think otherwise.

 

“Why are you back?” Kenma asked as he looked up from his phone.

“I can’t do it.” Keiji sat on the couch with his hands covering his face. “What if he says no?”

Kenma groaned. “You’re an idiot. Go back and tell him. It’s better late than never.”

“I don’t deserve him.”

Keiji felt Kenma sit up and get off the couch. He removed his hands and found Kenma standing before him with his arms crossed. “What makes you think that?”

If Keiji could tell him about all his grey thoughts, his fears then Kenma would understand. But nothing came out from his lips. What did he have to reason with anyways?

“I’m a coward.”

“Yeah, you are.” Kenma replied softly.

“I don’t think I’ll give him the love that he deserves. I don’t know the first thing about liking someone this hard.” Keiji looked at his trembling hands. His weakness was still present.

“Do you want to lose him?”

After a minute of silence, while Keiji felt walls around him appear, he finally gave in.

 “No.”

“Then go. Now.” Kenma stated and pulled Keiji on his feet.

“Thank you. I owe you.” Keiji smiled at the shorter man and walked out to the door.

“If you come back with nothing, I will lock you out.” Kenma said loudly and Keiji chuckled.

“Does apple pie count?”

Kenma did not reply and Keiji closed the door behind him.

 

He ran to the gym this time. He had to put Sarukui and his doubts behind him and face Koutarou. Keiji slowly opened the door and Suga was the first person who noticed him and walked up to him.

“Akaashi san! How are you? You don’t look that well…” Suga began and Keiji hated to interrupt but he really didn’t want to talk about his appearance.

“When can I talk to Bokuto san? I mean when will your practice end?” Keiji stuttered out.

“I can call him right now… Bokuto san! Someone’s here for you!” Suga called out.

“Coming!” Koutarou’s voiced boomed through the gym and Keiji stepped away from the main door.

Koutarou stepped out of the gym and he smiled when his eyes found Keiji’s.

“Hey, hey, hey!”

“Hello Bokuto san.” Keiji greeted, inwardly cursing for being too indifferent.

“So…”

Keiji sighed. “Bokuto san, I think you’re  _owl_ that I need… oh I can’t do this.” He face palmed while Koutarou broke into a hearty laugh.

“You were doing great!”

Keiji smiled as he walked closer to Koutarou. Three simple words. Only three. He could do this.

“I think I…love you Bokuto san.” He averted his gaze; he really didn’t know how Koutarou would react.

“Akaashi, if I wasn’t so sweaty from practice I would have kissed you right now.” Koutarou said softly.

Keiji shook his head as he put his hands on Koutarou’s shoulders and pulled him close till their lips brushed. Their noses bumped into each other but Koutarou’s hand was under his chin now, tilting his face so that their lips fit perfectly. His lips were soft and his arm was wrapped around Keiji’s waist pulling him closer.

They stayed in that position for what seemed like forever. Koutarou was not impatient; rather Keiji felt as if he knew that it was Keiji’s first kiss, a first in any action of intimacy. He would gently pull on Keiji’s lower lip and when they parted, his eyes smiled back at Keiji and their noses brushed against each other.

Keiji scrunched his nose a bit, “Maybe I should have waited after your practice.” He whispered.

Koutarou chuckled. “Well you started it. And I warned you.” His arm was off Keiji’s body and he immediately missed the touch. “Let’s meet up in the café after an hour? I’ll be done by then and we have to tell Yachi san the good news.” He winked and Keiji shook his head but his lips twitched upwards.

“Fine Bokuto san.” Keiji replied and Koutarou came closer again and Keiji closed his eyes wondering what would happen. Was he nervous? They had just kissed but the butterflies in his stomach had not yet calmed down.

He felt the other man’s lips on his right eyelid and then the left. Keiji opened his eyes slowly to see Koutarou looking at him. He felt his neck turn hotter along with his cheeks. Koutarou himself had a little pink dusted on his ears.

“You’re beautiful Akaashi.” He breathed out and then slowly turned to enter the gym. He waved his hands animatedly and Keiji waved back. As he turned around to go back to his dorm he heard Koutarou’s loud voice.

“Hey Oikawa san! I want to spike your killer toss right now. I’m feeling lucky!”

“Oho? What’s this? What happened out there?” Kuroo’s voice echoed back.

“Are you sure Bokuto?” A voice Keiji did not recognize asked.

“I’m sure! And I’m dating the most beautiful person on this planet!” Koutarou beamed.

“You’re not dating Suga.” Daichi stated to which everyone laughed.

“I’m dating Akaashi!” Koutarou shouted back in response and Keiji smiled as he jogged away from the gym.

 

Keiji was able to paint the wall before him again. Greens, pinks, reds and blues came into Keiji’s mind as he wrote further. He began to notice the colors around him more often, appreciated the moments he spent in his life with his friends. He became more in touch with his parents and he felt closer to them. He did skip the part of his life when he and Koutarou started dating; that was a detail he’d rather keep to himself. Other than that he felt as if his life had become more interesting and less dreadful. The feeling of doubt would taunt him from time to time, but he was able to push them away easily.

His wall was painted with gold as well. He began to notice the color more when he would look into Koutarou’s eyes. He thought of the color non stop and it made him feel relaxed. His character was vivid and lively as ever again, the nightmares stopped haunting him. Perhaps Keiji was living a dream; it was so peaceful and beautiful.

The morning shower routine remained unchanged but with a little more additions. Keiji would enter the dorm showers and would hear Koutarou singing ridiculous tunes on the top of his voice. When he would turn on the shower, Koutarou would stop and greet him.

“And how is the love of my life doing today?”

At first Keiji would groan at the excessive cheesiness but then he became used to it. In fact it was more correct to say that he looked forward to hear those words out of Koutarou’s mouth.

“I’m fine, what about you?”

“On top of the world!”

Every touch became more meaningful now; a brief contact of Koutarou’s fingers brushing against his neck while drying his hair would cause Keiji to hold his breath. Before they would join the others they would share a short kiss and let their hands entwine. It took Keiji days to actually believe that this all was real and it wasn’t his fantasy. That he was loved and cared for by such an amazing individual.

“So I remember you told me that you write stuff. What genre?” Koutarou asked him one day as they jogged with the other volleyball team members. His voice was softer than usual and Keiji felt his mouth turn dry. Should he really answer this?

“Well…” Keiji began before he was cut off by Kuroo.

“Oi you two love birds, quit being so lovey dovey. We already have Sawamura and Sugawara.” Kuroo grinned as he gestured to the said couple. Daichi rolled his eyes and Suga laughed.

“We can’t even talk huh?” Koutarou huffed out but he wasn’t angry.

“Please, we had to deal with Oikawa and Iwaizumi, then these two and now you two.” Yaku sighed as he listed the couples.

“You didn’t count us and Kuroo san with Kenma san.” Lev piped in.

“We were never a couple Lev.” Yaku coughed a bit in between before adding, “And Kenma is civilized in PDA.”

“Hey!” Lev exclaimed to which everyone broke into laughter.

“Yaku has no time for you Lev.” Kuroo laughed as he slapped the taller boy playfully on his back.

Keiji grinned as Lev began hammering Yaku with questions. He felt being watched and when he turned his head he made eye contact with Koutarou who smiled back widely at him. Keiji looked ahead and felt himself being lighter. If this was bliss, he definitely wanted to keep this feeling around.

 

 “But it’s the last party and then I’ll have to practice full time! Please?” Koutarou begged as he shook Keiji’s shoulder. They both were in Koutarou’s dorm seated on the bean bags.

“Bokuto san, you know I don’t want to drink. Not again.” Keiji replied and shuddered a bit as he remembered the last time.  

“You don’t have to drink, just dance?” Koutarou looked at him with an innocent face.

“I’m not comfortable in such social events.” Keiji muttered.

“Geh.” Koutarou let out as he nudged closer to Keiji, his head against the other’s arm.

“Why don’t you let Akaashi stay and come anyways Bokuto?” Kuroo asked as he stepped out of the toilet and began to put on his shoes.

“It’s no fun without Akaashi.” Koutarou pouted. “I’ll stay with him.”

“Your wish.” Kuroo shrugged, “You know the place right? Oikawa’s apartment. Come if you feel like it. See you guys.” With that he closed the door behind him.

“You can go you know.” Keiji said softly even though he didn’t want to think about Koutarou dancing and drinking with someone else.

“Let’s watch something?” Koutarou offered, his tone sounded dejected though.

“Bokuto san.” Keiji sighed. “Are you angry?”

“No.”

Keiji groaned. He really did not want to go to the party, but he didn’t want to see Koutarou in his moods either. The situation was quite troublesome and Keiji was out of ideas to make it better. A thought flashed in his mind and he wondered if it was sane enough. Will Koutarou push him away? Did he have the right to initiate an intimate move?

“What do we watch?” Koutarou drawled out, obviously uninterested.

“You’re being difficult.” Keiji stated and he got up to sit on Koutarou’s lap, his legs on either side of the other man’s body.

“I’m not being diffic-.” Koutarou was interrupted as Keiji leaned down and pressed his lips against Koutarou’s.

“Shush.” Keiji whispered when he pulled away slowly.

Koutarou grinned and he pulled Keiji close and they kissed yet again. Before Keiji could even think straight, Koutarou began to kiss his neck slowly; his breath against his skin tickled him from time to time. Keiji’s hands slowly ran through Koutarou’s hair and shivered a bit as the other began to kiss his jaw line. Koutarou’s hands were roaming, sneaking under his shirt and pulling Keiji till their bodies had no space left between them.

If Keiji could think of any color, it would be red. Red for love, lust or desire? Keiji was unable to differentiate currently. He wanted Koutarou more than ever, the man who brought him back to colors, who never ceased to surprise him. He wanted to know more about Koutarou; all his quirks, his favorites and his feelings. The fact that Keiji had, once upon a time, never thought of being this intimate with anyone. It made this moment and every moment spent with Koutarou so very important.

From the small kisses shared before their morning jogs, Koutarou kissing his cheek if they met in the library, their foreheads touching after a kiss, noses brushing against each other, fingers entwining, sharing jokes and secrets, falling asleep while watching documentaries, sharing notes… Keiji remembered them all and placed them close to his heart. His life was perfect as it could ever be in the past few weeks; he was content and grateful. But if he could learn more about Koutarou, he would not hesitate.

“You’re gorgeous…” Koutarou’s voice was hoarse and Keiji pulled on his lower lip, satisfied to hear the other moan. Koutarou’s eyes were smiling, his pupils were dilated a bit and when Keiji let go of his lips Koutarou furrowed his brows in question, well aware of what they both wanted but making sure it was alright to tread on that ground. “Are you sure?”

Keiji smiled and pecked his lips. “Yes.” He breathed out.

 

He woke up to find Koutarou’s arm around him. He yawned a bit and shifted to escape the sleeping man’s grip. Keiji looked around the room, rubbing his eyes as he sat up straight on the bed. He got up and walked tiredly to wear his boxers and then made way to the toilet to wash his face.

He was surprised at the number of marks Koutarou had left on his body and blushed when he remembered last night’s events. He splashed water on his face and tried his best not to recall. He felt the doubt rising again, was it really wise to let Koutarou see that side, to touch him that freely? However another part of him was in bliss, his heart was beating fast. He knew he could trust Koutarou enough, that the other actually loved him without a second thought. Keiji could trust Koutarou enough to let the other in emotionally as well. It was perfectly fine. He had no regrets, he told himself.

“Keiji?” He stepped out when he heard Koutarou call him. He was still lying in bed and he smiled when Keiji came in his line of vision. “Come back in bed, it’s still too early.”

Keiji sat on the corner of the bed instead. “On one condition though, no more marks Bokuto san, I have a class at three. I can’t even cover with a scarf, the season is still warm.”

Koutarou opened his arms as if welcoming Keiji. “Say the name you called me by last night.” He smiled widely, his eyes gleaming.

Keiji sighed and felt his own lips tilt upwards. He crawled back into Koutarou’s arms, his head resting on the other’s shoulder as he replied softly, “No more marks Koutarou.”

Koutarou laughed loudly and Keiji closed his eyes as he felt Koutarou’s body move with his laughs.

Bokuto Koutarou. Male. A year older than Keiji. Bisexual. Terrible flirt. Economics major. Volleyball player. Has moods which vary in intensity. Gives advice. Forgives easily. Jumps into conclusions easily. Very loving.

And now, with certainty, he was all Keiji’s.  

**Author's Note:**

> Talk BokuAka to me 
> 
> akaashiikeiijis.tumblr.com  
> @ghostcairngorm on Twitter


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